Wake Up// Shut Up Flower Boy Band(Shut Up and Let's Go)

#13: the best moment in your life

It was cold. And we were walking. I was with my brother and his friends and we were walking with a picture of Byung Hee. The snow under our feet made cracking noises. It was so cold you could see our breaths as we breathed. My nose was red, so were the others. I tried wrapping my coat tighter but it wasn't working I was still cold. Instead, I grabbed Ha Jin's scarf that I still haven't given back, and pushed it closer to me. His scarf warmed me up a bit. It was so soft and warm and it still smelled like him. It smelled so good. It was like having a piece of him to keep me warm. Wait, I shook my head. No no, Ha Jin is like your own brother stop it Mi Young.

I stood next to Hyun Soo, who was next to Ha Jin and I just kept staring at Ha Jin's head and his side profile. I know we were here for Byung Hee, we were walking towards the billard for Byung Hee but I just couldn't help but take up this moment and just stare at how beautiful Ha Jin was. How beautiful he was physically and how kind and sweet he was to me and how every time I'm near him I feel safer and protected. More protected than I feel when I'm around Hyun Soo. I don't know what was making me feel this way but I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. Today isn't about me and my feelings. It's about Byung Hee and that's all whats important.

We walked in complete silence, the only noise was the snow being crashed under us.  Kyung Jong spoke causing us to stop, "Ji Hyuk, give him to me. Byung Hee hates being cold." He took off his jacket while he said this. He took the photo and started wrapping the jacket around it like he was putting it on an actual person and not a photograph. "You have to wrap his up like this." And we continued walking with Byung Hee's photo in Kyung Jong's jacket.

The mood was so dark, so sad. I didn't like this. Every time I'm with them, the mood is always exciting and unpredictable. It never felt like this. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel natural. It made me tear up. This is what this group has come to now that Byung Hee is.... I shook my head no, no no more tears. I unconsiously wipped a tear I didn't know I actually had. Hyun Soo saw me and grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly and tried to give me a reassuring smile but I knew it was fake. It wasn't real after what happened. I just wanted my brother to be okay. I just wanted all these boys to be okay. These guys, despite our differences despite everything...they're like my brothers, my family. Without one doesn't feel right. Without one isn't okay. Without one....it isn't us. We can't be us without one.

We continued walking and walking.

+

"Our Byung Hee really loved pool," Kyung Jong said when we reached the billiard they always come to. I've never really been here, only a few times. We had set Byung Hee's photo in the center of one of the pool tables and set some of the balls around it and the sticks that I don't know the proper termonology for. We all stood in a line facing the photo. I stood in between Hyun Soo and Ji Hyuk. We were all telling stories about Byung Hee, I felt like crying even more.

"He'd hate to lose to other people," Ha Jin chuckled with no humor.

Kyung Jong continued, "He didn't know that Ji Hyuk would let him win every time. Wacko." I smiled a little at that. It was good to remember things like this. It reminds us that not everything was bad while they were here even though it seemed like it was now in our position.

The door chime went off and the thugs from our last school walked in. We all looked at them. The leader waved with a smile, "Kwon Ji Hyuk! It's been a while. I heard Byung Hee's dead. That some Jung Sang kid killed him." My fist tightened. He said it as if he was talking about the weather. And then he laughed. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him right there, no hesitation. I wanted to let out all my anger that I've been keeping in out.

We walked closer to him and the leader laughed, "What are you going to do? Byung Hee's not here anymore," he mocked.

The leader noticed my tightened fist. He started to laugh. "Aww now this is real cute, the little girl is angry. Whatcha gonna do? Im sure you can't hit me harder than the guy who did that to your pretty little face."