Identity Illusion

Chapter 14

The night was over. Her head still spinning from the crazy lights, non stop blared music and memories. She had just done all of that? Now expected to perform more? She wasn't cut out for this sort of life...and yet she excelled in it and proved a natural. Jason had been more then pleased. In fact he lifted her in a tight hug and kissing her. She wanted to push him away for his uncontrolled urges. There wasn't much she could do though when the action was over. Eventually she dragged her tired and aching body home, wanting to collapse before making it in the front door. Oh god she didn't want to be in the world anymore. She was starving, sweaty, and simply spent.

Every movement was a struggle, every blink was a hard fight. She couldn't keep her eyes open. Simply put, she was too tired to be human anymore. The bed didn't seem close enough, the couch was right there...dropping her body and that was the end. She was out cold, the makeup still caked on her face.

By late afternoon she was still dazed, going over in her head of what he mother had sent to her. What was going through her mind? She knew, they fought over this, how Claire didn't want to be doing what her mom did for a living. She wasn't meant for this. Her mother had training. Claire just had a nearly naked body. Was this what her mom had to do when she started? Surely not...but Claire had seen her mom in a bikini...she had a impressive body for her age. But she worked out...

All of a sudden the series of events broke her. She fell onto her knees and never felt more grateful to be alone. Tears fell, they didn't stop. "I'm trying to please everyone but myself...how am I supposed to be perfect for everyone?" Was it self pity? Claire didn't even know. She was emotionally broken already. Her mother made such horrible demands...things she wouldn't say to her own daughter's face. The dark empty house she wanted to swallow her. Give her all of the pain, agony and disparity that she could be consumed in. Let it take her...let her weep...at least this was for herself...

***

She wasn't sure why she got up in the first place, or why she agreed to herself to go back. Maybe it was because she had given a promise. A promise to the woman who gave her life. Yet she could run away...she was an adult and had every right too...Claire even looked over at her suitcase that peeked back at her from her closet. Did the sun have to be so beautiful as it set? The snow sparkled as it brought happy memories back to her. There was hope back in her soul. Warmth in her bones. Confidence that wasn't hidden under glitter and false eyelashes. Fine, one more night and she would be done, her mother didn't say she had to continue doing this after tonight right? After all...what was her original plan? Claire sat in deafening silence as she tried to remember what she was going to do with herself before all of this started. A fresh new life that awaited her, knowledge that she could lose herself in and happiness that she never really had here. Not that she would ever tell her mother about.

In fact, two years ago, Claire had wanted to commit suicide. She was always alone, friendship had to keep when she was so shy out in public. Her mother was gone most of the year. Leaving Claire to force herself to grow up faster and learn how to manage the bills, keep everything clean and maintain a schedule. One day in the middle of a summer she saw a dull razor tucked away in the back of a drawer she was rearranging. Why had it not been thrown away? She handled it carefully but at a downwards angle, pointed at her wrist. An accident...it could be an accident. She heard the words in her head but wasn't certain if they were hers or not. What brought this sudden urge on? How much would it hurt? What if no one found her body? Would it happen fast? Pros and cons took over her thoughts as the slightly rusted blades pressed against her pale wrist. It fit across the area so perfectly...a single slit would either quickly or slowly end her...

Nothing seemed more right or wrong in that moment, and it wasn't until she was expected to perform for a stranger that those feelings returned to her. She arrived early, it had only been her there but the silence was nice. No vibrations in the floor from overplayed music, no disoriented feelings from crazy light arrangements. And a sparkly stage that was once shiny from sweat and other things that turned her stomach...instead it shined with cleaner and polish, giving it a professional look again.  There wasn't a overwhelming scent of alcohol as well. Just...nothing. It was so relaxing and gave her a chance to feel like maybe she could do this...maybe she could get away with it. Once the sun set, it would begin. But once the sun rose, it would all be over. She had to look to the light as she did just before the blades of that razor were dragged sharply over her skin and stain her world of white red. 

Alone in the dressing room, the mirror lights accompanying her, she perfected her stage make up. Vibrant colored eye shadow, rimmed with kohl, lashed dusted with glitter and blush that accents her face. Did she want her usual pink lipstick? Perhaps a dark crimson that showed off her white teeth and hid how truly inexperienced she was. Lips were lined with dark red, the lipstick filling the space and giving Angel her final look. She looked sexy, sensual and almost witch like. Now the costume...three hours until someone arrived to begin the night. She wanted to wear a dark green to accent her lips, but there was none. A velvet cape for holidays she assumed but that seemed silly. But a simple black bra and panties set caught her eye. Lace along the sides to tease, silk pattern to cling to her body and make it seem like it was a part of her body. Yes, this was the one. 

Lily liked to wear obnoxiously high heels during her performance and while Claire always marveled at how easily she moved with them on, she didn't want to risk that chance. She decided on only four inch pumps that she knew she could handle and not embarrass herself in. Added with fishnet tights and she sat in the dressing room, waiting and focusing her mind on what she was going to do...

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"Well don't you look like quite the beauty queen, did you put this together all on your own?" Lily's singsong voice asked, jolting Angel out of a short nap. Stuttering, she tried to explain herself. "Um...I guess...I was restless and..." Lily held up her hand and sat next to Angel, lifting her face towards the light to inspect the makeup. "Not bad, looks like it took you quite some time though, you aren't just yet mastered in the art of fake lashes. But other then that, I do believe you will be the highlight of the show tonight. But my advice..." She lower her voice as though someone was going to overhear her. "Don't let Jason be alone with you. He's a animal trust me." Lily then became her usual pleasant self and kissed Angel quickly on the cheek. "Now its my turn to get ready, so you can go back to your nap and I'll tell you when the show is about to start. But more advice, don't let your makeup run if you sleep in weird positions. I don't think you can recreate that. " Lily then sat down in Angel's spot in front of the mirror and began painting her face like a absolute goddess. 

Ten minutes after the show and Angel was still shocked at how she only saw the face of the man who she was supposed to "meet" with. Everyone else was a faceless puppet. Her choreography was robotic but no one seemed to notice that as she still made $200 in just her twenty minute dance. Lily had made close to $300 but that didn't bother Angel. The other girls, Trina and Sarah made about the same if not a little more then $200. Break before the next show...Angel had to begin her requested job. Oh god, the chills were getting to her and nerves made her hands shaky...There he was...again dressed rather impressively and eyeing Angel up and down in approval. A lap dance and conversation occurred but she barely noticed. It was entirely a blur...But there in the room they were now, alone, standing closely as though they were lovers about to finally express the feelings that no one could take away from them. But they weren't. Just strangers and she wasted no time in letting her thoughts talk her out of doing for her mom what she promised. Her breasts were quickly exposed, nipples hard and the bra slipping from her fingers. "Listen mister, I might be a stripper to you but...I haven't got much experience in sex and stuff. So please..." Oh god, her cheeks burned with a blush. No! She wasn't supposed to be embarrassed...confidence would get her further. But she noticed how hard he was becoming at the sight of her so that was her motivation again. But just as she was about to reach her hand to feel just how hard he was becoming, the door flew open and flash lights blinded them both. 

A group of men...they called her Claire bear. Wait...what? Her mother was the only one to call her that. She looked at the man she almost laid with in betrayal when they said his name as well, putting him in the same position she was in. Why did they mention her mother? Why was she in trouble? Mom what did you do? She screamed in her head as the went into the room and began to grab her. "No! Leave me alone!" She screamed in a panic. "Please leave me alone!" She jerked her body in as many ways as she could to get out of their grasp but she was obviously weaker and they held a cloth to her face. No! No! She needed to get away! Where was Jason? The security guard? Lily? Her mother? It was too late as the Chloroform quickly made its mark on her. Within a minute Angel collapsed into their arms, completely lost from herself and now in the control of those who wanted her dead...