Metaphorical Closets

You're Going to Be Fine. I Promise.

Scott

One year later...

Mitch had gone off to work early in the morning. It didn't take him long to ditch the barista business and become a producer. I'd always knew he was going to do great things in music. He just needed someone who believed in him. He quit his job during the day and solely relied on his DJ gig for money, but I helped him. Not long after we finally showed each other our true colors we decided that we wanted to move in together. We moved into Mitch's apartment, seeing as it was large enough for two people. I didn't want to live in my apartment with so many bad memories. Each corner was haunting enough as it is... I didn't need to ever be stuck in one again.

In the past year we've grown inseparable. I saw a few more instances in which Mitch would refuse to eat, sinking into the man he used to be, and every single time I was there to help him out of it, just as he helped me. I had two more times, quite recently after the dreadful day I tried to commit suicide, and then they reduced themselves. In fact, to this day, I haven't had one in ninety-three days according to my calendar. I'm downright proud. Maybe it's because I started writing my new novel on day one. This novel was going to be different. I was going to write my story from the moment I met Mitch. I'd be changing names, of course, and Mitch agreed to let me do it. It was quite the journey to be writing about my life, but if I had an opportunity to help someone again I'd take a stab at it every single day.

It finally took me a year but I decided to get done with unpacking my final box. I had about three boxes full of books to fill up my bookshelf with. I was down to the last box... my favorites. So many good moments were in this box. As I was putting the books up on their shelves I caught a glimpse of a little brown notebook that looked worn and tattered. Memories flooded back as I reached for the little book. It held my first draft of Metaphorical Closets... my baby. I brought it to my chest and held it close. I had invested so much of my life to this book, and without it I wouldn't have been anywhere near as happy as I am now. I opened the notebook, and flipped through the pages, reminiscing on each moment I sat down to write. This novel started out as something for me to get my thoughts out. I had no idea that it would help someone someday... that it would help me. As I flipped to the last page a folded up piece of paper fluttered to the ground and landed near my bed. What's this? I had no recollection of this note. I sat down on the bed, placing the notebook to the side and opened the note and read.

Dear future self. You are absolutely worth it. When you're reading this someday you're probably going to be having a very rough time. Life won't be playing the right cards for you. And that's okay. Because life doesn't always play the right cards. You know this firsthand, and so does everyone else who has read this book, because you know you're not ashamed of your past. You can't get where you're going if you don't know where you've come from. You came from a great home. A great upbringing. Wonderful parents. Such a beautiful family. I really did. My life was absolutely wonderful before things happened. I admit that I miss my family from time to time, but I'm a better person now. And one small thing happened and it turned your life upside down. But, remember something. No matter what was said and no matter what happened, you made something of yourself. You didn't let that knock you down. You pressed on with a smile on your face, despite it being forced most of the time, and made something of yourself. And, you didn't deny the truth. I admire my strength. I was only thirteen. No thirteen year old should have to go through what I did... nobody at any age, really. But I did it. I persevered.

If you ever find yourself doubting ANYTHING, re-read this book. Take this advice like it was from someone else... because I know you, Scott. I know you're going to find some way to fuck it all up and turn yourself against the author of this book. I couldn't help but smile. Even back then I knew what would happen to me later on in life. Confide in somebody who can be there for you to make sure you wake up every morning with a smile. This somebody you will be accountable for as well. Possibly someone you care for? Make sure that they know every part of you, down to the roughest edges. God knows I have a lot of rough edges. Tell them about Dr. Kaplan, the guy who truly helped you with this novel. He became a fatherly figure to you of sorts. Give him a call, in fact. Make it soon, because God knows the last time you called him. I hadn't spoken to him in quite a while, but I knew it was due for me to give him a call. I would, soon.

Oh, Scott. One more thing. It's really weird to address yourself/myself this way. But, you knew you'd be reading this one day, needing to know how you felt. I don't know how you're going to end up reading this. But, on this day, five years to the day since you lost your family, you need to know how you felt. You felt powerful. You felt free from yourself... from all of the secrets you kept, though you claimed you kept none. The first thing you did when you got to your new home with your brother was look in the mirror and smile. Everything is going to be okay now, you said. Do you remember it? I definitely remember it. I remember it like it was yesterday.

You're going to be fine. I promise.

Scott Richard Hoying

p.s. Please tell me you've got a sense of fashion and some stylish hair-do, because you really were rough around the edges as a teenager. You won't find a boyfriend if you don't.

"Babe! I'm home!" Mitch's voice echoed through the hallway. I had a stupid smile on my face that I couldn't wipe off. I stuck the note in the back of the book and jogged into the living room, meeting him just as he put his bag on the table. I wrapped him up in a tight embrace, catching him off guard. "What did you do? Did you break my crystals?"

"No!" I laughed. "I just really needed to hold you, is all."

"Oh. Okay." Mitch relaxed in my hold and I placed a kiss on top of his head.

"You're a saint. You know that?"

"Just because I'm wearing Saint Laurent?" Mitch giggled.

"Yes and no. You're a saint for being here for me through it all."

"Why wouldn't I be? There's only one person on this planet who can handle you. You and I know damn well who that is." Mitch pulled away from my hold, only to tug me to the couch.

"I'm pretty sure it's Wyatt. He's been the best cat ever." I pulled Mitch on top of my lap so he was straddling me. I took a moment to focus on his eyes while he rolled them... his beautiful brown eyes who had seen so much.

"He really is. How did we get so fortunate?" Mitch rested his forehead against mine.

"I don't know." I placed the gentlest of kisses against his lips and sighed gently.

I was really fortunate, in every aspect. I was fortunate to have had the experiences that I had. Had I not discovered I was gay and felt how I did, I would've never told my parents about me. Had they not kicked me out I would've never developed the brotherly bond I did with my brother. Had he not supported me through high school I would've never made it to college. Had I never gone to college and published my book I would've never gone to that book signing. Everything bad creates a path to something good. Nothing in my life was horrible... it was just unstable. I had an unstable life, and now I was finally stable again. Everything was in place. I was happy... and that's always the ultimate goal.