The Unrealities of Greendale (1/3) *Being Edited*

Chapter 9

A/N:

Lots of cray-cray stuff happens in this chapter, LOOK OUT!

BTW, how'd you like the last chap? Insane? Just you wait....

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My chest felt tightened as I laid there on the bed. I couldn't handle all of this anymore. It was slowly eating me alive. Evan had a point; I'd never really ended things between us. But I assumed I didn't need to. He wasn't real! How was I going to end a relationship with a part of myself? I figured if I ignored him, my brain would follow suit and delete him from me. He'd disappear and I'd never have to face him again, and I could finally move on with myself.

I wanted to be Logan's. I knew he was truly the one I wanted, I was ready for him. His lips were now engraved in my memory, something I could never truly have enough of. But I knew I couldn't be his if the remnants of Evan were constantly hovering over me. That wasn't something either Logan or I deserved. I had to get rid of him, once and for all. And I had an idea in mind.

If you need to make peace with yourself before you can love someone else, and Evan was a piece of me, I had to find a way to end things off the right way between me and Evan. A way I could finally let go and continue on. So, I needed to talk to Evan... or, technically, talk to myself.

Evening settled in as the sky turned a darker shade of blue, accents of purple and highlights of pink and orange fulfilling its gaps. I waited for Evan to show up, but he never did. He needed to show his face soon, because I couldn't force Logan to wait any longer. However, I needed to talk to Evan before I could even think about going on with Logan. So, I waited patiently, dreading every moment as days slipped away without a trace.

One week. I waited a whole week, anticipating wholeheartedly and telling myself that if I kept hope, Evan would show. But yet, here I am, sitting in my chair again, alone, not peering into the sun kissed green diamonds I had come to know as his eyes. Where was he?

I sighed in disappointment as I sat back in my chair, the wind blowing in from the opened window and tossing my short hair in my face. Maybe, I could end things with Evan while I was with Logan, because I knew that he was in his room, practically pacing the floor, waiting for an answer. I couldn't do that to someone I cared so much about. Not to someone I loved...

Did I just say... loved? Wait... what?

Yes. I love Logan. I know you probably guessed that, but it hadn't dawned on me until then. I needed to tell him I loved him and that I would be his girlfriend, no questions asked.

But what about Evan? What about that part inside me that refused to be let go of? I couldn't get into something with Logan that I couldn't finish. Or even worse, get into something and have him constantly doubting my love for him. I hadn't even told him about Evan. If we were in a relationship, I think that's something he'd probably want to know. I couldn't keep a secret that big from him. I hadn't even told him I had Dementia yet! But maybe if I talked to him, it'd give me a chance to say all that.

But would that scare him off? I wasn't even sure if he loved me. If I suddenly confessed all this hidden baggage, he'd probably be sickened about the fact that I hadn't told him about it from the start. He'd drop me, and I'd be back at square one; alone in my bedroom, going to therapy with Dr. Pestode, and eating 2 meals a week.

That was something I really didn't want to do. But would it really hurt anyone if I never told Logan? I mean, it was probably best that he didn't know. However, if I were in his shoes, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I barely knew. And lies were meant to be spilled. Somehow, someday, he'd find out. And it's probably be worse because I kept it from him for so long. Keeping secrets was just as bad as lying. He'd hate me and not want anything to do with me, and that would shake me to my core.