Tyler's pov
Today's the day unfortunately when I leave my mom and go back to New York. I'm really excited because, well I get to find out who is going to be moving into the apartment right next to me which I've been trying to find out for WEEKS Now which doesn't sound like much but I have been looking him up and I've found barely anything which makes me even more curious then before. I did find a picture of him however and he is so damn cute like honestly if he's straight I may or may not cry. God I am way to thirsty like seriously I need some holy water right now.
STOP!! I seriously need to stop getting lost in my head I think I've been sitting on the couch for 5 minutes just looking at the wall... Not normal Tyler not normal.
"Mom do I not get a good-bye hug or are you just waiting to kick me out of the door?"
"Oh sorry I'm just so sad your leaving. Are you sure you can't say another week or I don't know year?"I giggle.
"Mom you know how much I'm dreading this I don't want to go but I have to have my own life. I refuse to be that guy that still lives with his mom at 24."
" when did you get so grown up?"
" I don't know" I shrugged fighting back tears, yes I know I'm a mommas boy. This is honestly the worst part of coming home, leaving.
"Okay I'll drive you to the airport"
"You don't have to do that mom I can call a taxi and I don't want this goodbye to be even harder then it has to be."
"Okay be safe and don't do or try anything you might regret okay? I love you so so so so much honey. Good luck back in New York"
" love you too and I will try my best to get enough money to come back ASAP! Okay." After a few tears and a bone breaking hug I was gone.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a few delays at the airport and now that I'm FINALLY on the airplane I get as comfortable as you can in a coach seat. After a few minutes I fell in a peaceful sleep.
I woke up to the plane landing with a loud thud. Wow I usually don't sleep for that long, must've gotten lucky this time. I put everything back into my carry on and waited at the baggage claim and kept my eyes peeled for my bag. I almost missed my bag when it came to me, I must've gotten lost in my head again.... I really need to stop doing that it really not good for me.
I got my bag and waited for a taxi to come over and pick me up. When one finally did an old woman was beside me trying to get ahold of another taxi that just ignored her and drove off. Classic New York for you right there, I offered her mine which she gladly took and I waited for the next one. When a huge wave of them came by I waved my hand out and one slowed down and stopped right next to me. I got in and recited the address of my apartment and he drove there.
When I got to my apartment I set all my things down and went straight to bed. Jet lags a bitch
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
********PLEASE READ THIS***********
So you guys I have a lot to tell... They aren't excuses because seriously the only excuse that would be acceptable is that there was a zombie apocalypse and I was trapped without the internet for months. But that didn't happen so you guys you have no idea how sorry I am this is totally not okay and I should be updating way more often and I'm really disappointed myself and probably you guys.
So as I said I have a lot to tell you guys because I haven't really told any of my friends and this is a space where I feel I can share anything and not get judged by it because well none of you really know who I am. So I think it would be be good for me to share with you guys that I have been diagnosed with depression yes I am suicidal. So I've been kinda like this for about a year now and I've been depressed for around 2 years, and I've only recently been diagnosed. It actually kinda slipped up when I was rather upset about all my medical issues and then my mom found out about it.
The wired thing is I never thought I was suicidal sure I thought about killing my self and I have this plan and everything but I never did think I was suicidal, I don't know do you guys know what I'm saying?
So I started seeing this therapist that I really like and I've been getting a lot better, but I do still fall right back to where I started which is frustrating as hell. The main reason my depression started was with someone who i though I was my friend I'm going to use a fake name so no one knows it's actually me writing this, but her "name" is Miley. Miley used to manipulate and use me to no end. She would always insult me in ways that people wouldn't think she was insulting me because she new all my insecurities because we used to be really close. I would always give her second, third, fourth, and even around 8 chances because I knew if I got on her bad side I would have no one left because she would turn everyone against me. When I had finally gotten enough of her and tried to as quietly and slowly drift away from her that's exactly what she did I have no one. I would go to different friend groups and she would follow making them hate me, making me hate myself, Leading to well being suicidal. Now I do take dance with her as well and I was not willing to give up dance because I had no friends there and it was only because of this bitch. So I kept doing it and I learned to be alone I would still "hang out" with people at school but I wouldn't talk to them I would just listen. She finally got over herself and stopped and I have a semi friend group now. But every chance she gets she will try and embarrass me and try to bring me down but I'm really trying not to let her but it's really hard sometimes.
I've just been trying to deal with all of this and quite frankly this book was the last thing on my mind. She still has been trying to get close to me again but this time she's not going to get close to me again I know she can't be trusted with anything so I will never tell her anything I'm not comfortable with the whole school knowing.
One thing that really helped me was YouTube and I can say honestly without Troye Sivan and Tyler Oakly I wouldn't be here right now sharing this with you guys so I can't even thank them enough.
If any of you guys read all of this I really appreciate it and if your going through any of this get help! Please I promise you it gets way better once you've talked to someone about whatever is going on. And it OKAY to drop people out of your life seriously I really wished I would've dropped Miley a really long time ago. It may be hard at the beginning but I promise you'll get through it and have a way better group of friends that support you and love you.
As for updating I'm really sorry but I'm not going to be putting a routine on it I'm going to update when I feel like it, I do have a story line planned out and I hopefully will be able to,complete it sometime but I know if I say that I'll update at a certain time I won't do it and feel really bad and yucky. So I hope you guys are enjoying the story and if you have any questions or just really want someone to talk to I'm 100% here to talk to you and I probably won't take Lind to reply so don't ever be afraid to talk to me because I love it when I get to meet new people that could be around,the world and I get the pleasure of helping them or talking to them. Okay I have definitely rambled on enough, I love you guys please talk to me if your feeling bad I will talk to you back!
Lots of love,
~k
YOU ARE READING
Something about that outcast
RandomSome triggering material so you have been warned. Troye thought of himself as nothing but an outcast nothing special or different about him. He has always had anxiety and body ima...
