Chapter Four

Chapter 1

'Dear No One,

Lets start by the fact this is my thank you - suicide note. I'll thank everyone that has helped to make me do this. I think we should start by my parents. Mom, thank you so much. Thank you for cutting me off every time I told proud to you how many days I was clean. Eventually I started cutting again so also thanks for that. And dad, I want to thank you more. Thank you for every time you slap me in my face. Thank you for using me as your sex doll. And thank you for telling me to kill myself. Also a little thanks to my big brother, James. Thanks for sticking up for me (that was totally sarcastic). I know you didn't want me to get hurt but as a big brother at least you could have helped me by taking my side, or talk to mom and dad.

A big, big thank you to all of my bullies at school. You were really helpful in this project. I would love to hit you in your faces for the last time but, oh well, it wouldn't hurt you anyway. And last but not least: thank you so so much Zac. Thanks for lying to me. Thank you for telling you would be there for me every second of the rest of my life, but you weren't.

I've noticed it wasn't a smart idea to depend too much on one certain person, because what are you going to do if one day they decide that they don't need you anymore? Right. You can't do anything. You would probably be too heartbroken to do something. It would fucking hurt. You won't be able to talk to anyone for a few weeks. You're going to die from sadness. Just because some fucker told you to kill yourself and leaves you.

It's so sad, isn't it? Hating someone so much that they want to commit suicide. They want to end their lives. They want to DIE. But well, you all probably don't care. You're probably all glad you won't ever have to see me again. I'm still asking myself why I am writing this letter anyway.

On the other hand, I think it's amazing it has come to the point I want to kill myself. I see myself as a big, fat, ugly pig. Every time I look in the mirror I feel so much pain. I want to break my mirror in pieces and die. I don't want to be this ugly. I want to be pretty, just like those models. They are thin and beautiful. I'd kill someone to have that kind of a body. But I don't have that kind of a body, and I won't ever have that body.

I really want to look back on my life with you before I commit suicide. First, there was Chapter One. The happy me. The one who always liked to play outside and chat with friends. Then she changed to Chapter Two. The happy me who sometimes got a little sad, because of the bullying. But she didn't worry. She was alright. A few months later, she transformed and became Chapter Three. The chapter where she was mostly sad and didn't want to talk to anyone anymore. And last but not least: Chapter Four. The final chapter where she decided to kill herself. The chapter where nobody cared about her anymore, and the last chapter that was ever written about her life. And today, today is my day. Today is Chapter Four. A short chapter, I admit, but the best chapter of them all.

You must know while writing this, I'm not crying. I'm smiling. I'm proud of myself for doing something that really makes me happy. I'm happy I can finally be fully happy again, forever. I'm sick of this life. This life sucks. I want to go to heaven. To a place where no one gets bullied. Where everyone gets accepted. Even though I don't believe in God or anything, I still think there is a place where you can go after you die. And if there is a place, it would be amazing if in that place just some kind of unicorns exist, just saying.

But anyways, lets get back to the point. If you all are asking: yes. I've been planning this for a long time. Today, the 25th of August, I'm doing it. I'm killing myself. Actually, I'd rather call it commit suicide. It sounds less rude.

I'm glad I can finally end this pain. This pain I've been carrying around for about three years. I was never really ready to end my life, but today, I'm ready. I've accepted the fact I can't live like this anymore. I've accepted my pain, and now I'm ready to deal with it. I'm ready to rip the pain of my heart, throw it on the table and smash it.

I am fucking ready.

Thank you all so much for helping me to commit suicide. I really hope you got what you wanted. I hope you never have to see me again.

All the fucking love,

x Skyler.'