All Bets Are Off

Chapter 16

Donghae peered in his windows as he drove near a dilapidated house located almost at the end of the city. He let the engine idle for a minute, studying the house before sighing and stepping out of his car. After driving Dara to her apartment, he went straight to his unit to get some sleep himself but when he arrived, he saw a plastic bag hanging on the knob of his door. He knew who had left it even before he opened it. He placed the box of smoked fish on the table and sat down, just looking at it pensively. He didn't know what to think anymore. All the things that had happened are all playing in his mind. The day his father suddenly disappeared, the times when he waited for him, still believing it was all a mistake and he would be back. He could still remember how he always overhear his grandfather telling his mom, I knew what type of man he is but you still married him even when I kept on telling you he only married you for money. Now look at you now. Look at your son. My grandson!

He didn't believe his grandfather. He even got mad at him for telling lies about his father. But he was right. His grandfather had been right all along.

He grew up forgetting about the father who had neglected them. He's sure that they were better off. He thought he wouldn't even care if he saw his father again. But when he did, he was brought back to being a kid again. All the anger, disappointment, hurt... He felt all of that like it had the first time. And like what he vowed when he was 12, he does not want to see his father again.

But he couldn't help but wonder. How long is he going to keep his questions to himself? How long will he try to suppress them? Dara was right. It does no good to speculate. He already buried 20 years worth of questions. 20 years worth of anger. Wouldn't it just be better to get it all off his back? Ask his father exactly the reason why he did what he did? Ask him how could he do it to his mother. To him. He was only 9 when he left. And why wait 20 years before ask for forgiveness? If that's what he's really after. Questions after questions all appeared on his mind and he decided it would be better to confront his father. And then let him know he doesn't want him to ever be part of his life.

He called his mom and asked where he can find his father and he could tell from the tone of her voice that she was startled but gave him the address and rattled off his father's number as well, her voice sounding pleased but trying to conceal it. Donghae had to roll his eyes when his mother told him she was proud of him. She said she won't force him to forgive his dad but if he could just talk to his father, maybe things would be different for him and he have to cut her off by telling her he would just like to tell his father to leave him alone.

Now, studying the house his father is living in, he was having second thoughts. What would he find? What will his father say? What will he say? Is this where his father had been living in for the last 20 years from the time he had abandoned his family? And if it is, why?

He didn't know how long he had standing there just looking at the house before he decided to just go there and talk to his father. It's already getting dark anyway and he had to go back if he wanted to get some early rest. He took a step towards the house, stepping on the porch and on the front of the wooden door. He hesitated for a minute before knocking. No answer. He knocked again and he listened for any sound of movement from the inside. His brows creased and he peered in through the window. There were no signs of life. Only the light from the kitchen can be seen through it. Donghae put his hand in his pocket. Now what? He took a step back sighing. He guessed his father is not home. He turned and walked off the porch and to his car deciding to just come back some other time. He turned his head around just to look at his house out of habit when he noticed a smoke coming up from the back. He squinted just to make sure and he walked towards where the smoke is coming from all the while hoping the house didn't suddenly caught on fire while he was here.