Fearless |sm|

ch. 12

(Matt's pov)

Everything seems so unreal. First thing you know, i wake up totally normal, next thing you know, your screaming like satan casted a spell on you. I didn't know whats happening to me. My ears were ringing like hell, my eyes were having a stinging feelings and my body was numb, i was almost, paralyzed. My head ached in pain and blood was rushing down my forehead. Everyone around me were forced to leave the room as the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Fuck, my head was killing me.

"ONE TWO THREE, CLEAR." They yelled as they sent a rush of electricity down my body. I couldn't feel anything anymore, everything was failing around me, my vision was getting whiter and whiter. Nonono i didn't want to leave, not now, i cant die yet. Next thing you know, its all white....
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(Shawn's pov)

It's been 2 hours, since Matt had died. Everything was quiet, too quiet, there were accidental sobs, loud sniffles, and "this was all my fault." Coming from Amanda. Matt didn't deserve this. No one deserves this. He was just beginning to start a new chapter in his life. And now he's gone. It was like a piece of an unfinished puzzle was missing. He was the boy who cheered us all up. He could make anyone with his smile. It's so contagious. I hated this, i hated how he had to be the one who died.

His parents already figured out everything, the funeral would be Tuesday, which is 2 days from now, and the burial service would be Wednesday. We all decided to crash at Amanda's house because her parents allowed us. I would stay at my house, but i didn't want to let Amanda stay alone. Fuck, i was a wreck. My eyes were already failing me because I've been sitting in the stupid hospital for 5 hours. When the news hit us, it hit us real hard. We all thought he was ok, he was so happy being out of that coma, he was smiling like a happy little kid. But seizure took over him, and he wasn't strong enough to handle it. Amanda was crying with joy when he woke up, now she's sobbing in anger and sadness.

I want to tell her everything will be ok, but to her, everything is hell right now. This was all Maggie's fault. I hated her, i wanted to kill her so badly. But she was in jail for the rest of her life along with her dad and sister.

I wrapped my arm around Amanda's shoulders as she leaned her head to my shoulder, she was still sniffling, i couldn't tell what she was feeling, i just hoped she was feeling okay.
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(Amanda's pov)

I was definitely not okay, i was a fucking wreck. If anybody wasn't here right now, i would've cried until i fainted or ran out of tears, i wanted to throw chairs to take my anger out. I wanted to smash something, i wanted a pillow to cry on.

I'm trying hard for Matt to be strong for him. Im trying so fucking hard Matt. Im trying to hold back my tears when all they wanted to do was fall down like a waterfall. I hated this, i hated this feeling, the feeling of being worthless and weak was eating me alive. And I feel like this was all my fault he got killed by that cunt of a Maggie. I fucking wanted her dead, i don't want her in a jail, i want her to be stuck in a trash shredder. She deserved to be dead. Matt didn't deserve any of this shit that happened to him, now he's dead. I should've been the one dead, not innocent Matt. Matt was suppose to live a happy life. He was just an innocent person with a dream. Now, he's dead, he died right in front of my eyes. And i cant take that image out of my mind, ever.

"Hey, Amanda, are you alright." Shawn whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Of course im not fucking ok.

"Yeah, im fine." I lied, laying my head down on his bony shoulder even though it was comfortable. Im never fine. Everything in my shitty life is hell. Hell, hell, hell, i just wanted to leave the world already. I wanted to switch places with Matt. I fucking hated this.

I felt like everything was falling apart right before my eyes.