you [njh]

twenty

I didn't know what to do, i didn't even realise i was gripping on my tshirt. There's so much i want to say but it seems like my tongue is tied in knots.

"Hey." that's all i could say.

It was enough to make her head snapped, i could see her eyes widen. She partened her mouth, like she was about to say something but it didn't make it.

"Hot Hazelnut Latte." the guy behind the counter said.

"I don't know if you remember me but we met before.." i said. Not gonna look at anything else but her.

Her hair was in a ponytails, she was wearing a dress, along with a thin white cardigan. Her side profile was so clear to me. Her little freckles near her ear... she's so beautiful.

She looked at me with her bright blue-green eyes.

"Niall.."

"You remember my name, nice..." i said, stuffing my hands to the pocket of my jeans.

She scoffed, "Come on!" She realised her voice got a bit louder, "I don't have time for your silly games." she added.

"Right. I'm sorry." i said.

"You're sorry?" she asked me, then i nodded.

She then chuckled, "Funny how it came from someone who said sorry doesn't fix a thing."

I didn't say a thing, cause what can i say? She's right. I'm such a big asshole in her eyes. "Now, if you'd excuse me." she added then she walked away, holding her cup of coffee.

"Kate..." i tried to hold her hand, trying to stop her, but she just brushed it away.

I groaned, i bring my hands to my hair and making it more messy.

I took my drink and went to my seat.

"What's with the grumpy face, old man?" Liam said.

I shaked my head. "No.. nothing, nothing. Just start this fucking shit already."

"Aplogies people.." Liam said, commenting on my harsh words. Like i care.

Bla bla bla. EP this EP that, cover this, tour maybe, gigs and stuffs. I'm just not in the mood right now. All i want to do is smash the fucking window. I don't know why i'm so mad. I don't know the reason why. Is it because Kate? Is it because of myself? I did this. I gotta fix it. I tried. But... fuck. I really don't know what has gotten into me. She got me hypnotized, it's like i'm hooked. It sounds so girly and stupid, but that's the best way of putting everything into words.

"Excuse me.." i said and got up. I wandered through the cafe and look for her. It wasn't that hard though, she was seated by the window, concentrating on whatever that is in her phone. I sighed. Slowly, i approached her and sat in front of her. She looked at me and there was a moment of silence between us, and it kills me.

"Kate.." i said.

She sighed, "What do you want?"

"Just.. listen to me. Okay? I want you to listen to me..." i said. She nodded and said okay but it came out almost like a whisper.

"I know i'm such a pain in the fucking ass, a dicktit, an asshole, i'm all that, really. It took me some time to realize that and i am deeply terribly so fucking sorry about every single thing that i do, me being an asshole in the club, me being an asshole in my car, me being asshole in just some minutes ago, i'm sorry for snapping at you, it just that i had a trauma on rejections and i really hate it..." i stopped to catch a breath, then i added, "I could write you a song, a poem or even an essay, telling how much i am sorry because Kate, i really miss those times we have spent together and i would really love to have that back again if i could..." i licked my lips, "But, um.. i also know, i'm not worth your time, i'm not... and maybe, we're just not gonna be friends again but please please please before it's gonna be the last time i see you, please, accept my apology."