you [njh]

twenty three

It was Thursday.

Pepper closed for a week or so, cause it's currently having a renovation. Boss decided to make it bigger. I was glad. More workers though. More friends.

I decided to have some me-time, went to Times Square and shopped tons of things, whether its clothes or foods. Wish i had Laura with me but she's busier now.

New York has been good to me, i might say.

Nothing big happened though, but i'm by myself in this big ass city. You could say i did a pretty damn job on surviving. I was pretty grateful of what i had, it wasn't much but it's all enough for me. If you're asking, don't you miss your family? Well... yeah of course. When i looked at a little girl with her parents, i imagined that was me. Wishing that i had a mom figure that i could look up into. My mom figure was Laura's mom back then. She was so caring and gentle, she was perfect. But as i grew older and older, i tried to learn how to let go some things. It wasn't easy, but Laura was always there.

I was so stuck in sadness and desperation for someone to really take care of me, so i could feel loved— until one day i felt nothing. I guess, i have got used to it. I've got used to with the pain i felt. It didn't matter anymore. My heart said; It is what it is. You can't go back to the past and change things. You can't do anything with the things that have been done. So i dealed with it. But, no matter how much i hate them, family is family, no one can replace that.

Whenever someone asked about my parents, i'd say they died in a car accident. No one really knows the truth except Laura and her mum, and i'd like to keep it that way.

My phone suddenly beeped, waking me up from my daydream. Turned out, there was a message from Niall saying: It's gym day !

I smiled to myself.

Last night after the show, he told me about how lazy he was to do a work out for tomorrow, but he said he had to cause he hadn't been to the gym lately.

I replied, wake up now, dont make me drag you.

Niall drove me home last night but he asked me to have a chat a bit, we ended up watching Grease and he was singing like crazy i couldn't contain my laughter. Our knees touched throughout the movie, the side of my head was against his arms. And we weren't watching anymore cause he started talking about christmas in the Horan's household. He said he would be busy making the tree and his mum would be making cookies and hot hazelnut, and he would watch a football game with his dad.. then he would say the story behind his band, how they almost kicked Louis out cause he was absent for a little white, it was funny.

"Aren't you afraid?"

"Of what?" he asked.

"Failing." i said blankly. He stared at me for a second and flashed me a smile.

"Course." then he added, "That didn't stop me, did it?"

"No, you're a man full of positivity." i said.

He shaked his head, "I'm not full of positivity, i'm a carefree one."

"I don't even know what am i."

"You're..." he stopped.

"I'm what?"

"There's too much to say." he explained and then chuckle, "Point is, i enjoy your company."

"Thanks pal." i replied.

He kept talking about his band until i said "You're tired, go to sleep." He didn't though. Instead, He said how he liked that he could feel the warmth of my body, he said how he liked that he could smell the lavender in my hair. So we stayed like there for a moment. And i remember the scent of his clothes, i remember how my heartbeat reacted to his words and i remember falling asleep to the sound of his tired voice, humming to a song that i wasn't familiar with.