100 Things You Should Know About Writing (Part 2)

48) The Dangers of Comparison

By a long shot, I share one piece of advice to new writers the most:  

Don't compare yourself to other writers. Your path is different from theirs, and you'll do much better by just focusing on it instead of them. 

I started sharing this piece of advice almost as soon as I started blogging. I joined the writing community as a blogger, but while visiting other writers' blogs, I'd often see some variation of the following:

I feel down because XYZ is my age, but XYZ has an agent already and I just can't get one. 

J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter while on the dole. Why can't I just handle this little bit of difficulty that I have going on in my life? 

I want to write just like Marissa Meyer, but I just can't do that. I must be a failure. 

Why oh why oh why can't I just write as well as all of those awesome writers I read? 

On and on and on it goes. 

If you're saying or thinking any variation of the above examples (or any other that I just didn't write down), you need to stop. 

The simple truth is that you are not the writer you're comparing yourself to. No amount of comparing will make you more like that writer. In fact, it's more harmful to you than you realize. 

Firstly, you're being incredibly unfair on yourself. 

You have no idea what it was like for XYZ to get a thousand no's before getting an agent. You have no idea if XYZ's book was simply an easier sell than yours is. You have no idea whether maybe J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter while on the dole because she had nothing else to do and just needed to escape her circumstances for a little while. (While you don't have that option.)

So why the heck would you use their success as a way to beat yourself up? It's insane, if you think about it. 

Secondly, you're harming your writing by emulating other people. 

You're not a failure because you can't write just like Marissa Meyer. However you're doomed to fail if you don't realize that her success is as a result of not trying to copy someone else. Sure, she took a few classic fairy tales as the basis of her stories, but then she made the stories her own. 

She sounds unique because she allowed herself to be unique. By trying to copy other writers, you lose precisely the uniqueness that would possibly make you a success.

Thirdly, envy costs you friends. 

Writing is a solitary activity. Not only do we most often write alone, but being a writer sets us apart from people who don't write. People just don't understand what it's like to be a writer. Except if they're writers. 

I've found that it's important to make friends with writers, even if we're on completely different parts of the world. Because it's too important to have someone who understands what I'm going through. 

But if one of those writer friends finds some sort of success that's evaded you, envying that success is the fastest way to lose that friend. 

Especially if your comparison goes along the lines of my book is so much better than ABC's. I should have landed that agent. This is so unfair.

Fourthly, if you're looking at other people to validate or measure your success, you're missing the point. 

Nothing guarantees success. Success is a combination of talent, hard work, and a HUGE amount of luck. 

Yes, luck. Just happening to have the book that no one knew they wanted to read, but can't get enough of now that they have. 

Having the right readers stumble across your book and telling everyone they know to read it. 

Being the one writer out of thousands that your publisher decides to bet serious marketing money on.

Luck. Pure and simple. 

You can't manipulate it and you can't control it. All you can do is use your talent and work hard. If you do, you're more likely to be lucky, but success isn't guaranteed by any means. 

Which is why you need to write for the right reasons. There must be love for the craft and passion for your story. If you don't have these two things, waiting for your lucky break will most likely destroy you. Especially when trying to compare yourself to other writers who were lucky. 

Fifthly, how on Earth are you comparing yourself to a published writer? 

Comparing your rough drafts to a published book is like comparing your whole baseball (or whatever) career with someone else's highlights reel. 

So many people use this comparison to beat themselves up, and it's completely unnecessary. Those books you see aren't written well (or at least not that perfectly). They've been edited well. Yes, it requires good writing to edit something to such a high standard, but nowhere near the quality you're assuming. 

In fact, if you're willing to work hard on editing, you'll probably find that what you have right now is in fact good enough to start with. So be realistic. Since you can't see what that published writer's first draft is like, you just can't compare to their writing. Your draft and their published books are not even the same thing. 

So stop beating yourself up and get writing. 

To sum it all up, if you compare yourself to some idealized version of someone else's life and/or writing, you're always going to fall short. But that idealized version is an illusion and there's no way to know where the truth really lies. 

So instead of listing ways in which you fall short, focus on how you can improve. Learn the craft. Be true to yourself in your writing. Never give up. And remember to always write because you love it. 

If you're tempted to compare, focus on your love for your story and just keep going on. 

Maybe, just maybe, luck will come your way. 

Thanks for reading all! 

Phew! We're almost at the end of Part 2. Only two more sections to go. The next one will be about technique, but as always, you're welcome to ask any questions about writing in general or just this post specifically. If your question inspires me to write a section, I'll dedicate it to you. 

If you found this section useful, please don't forget to vote! 

Coming up in 100 Things: 

When is a Story Good Enough? (MarissatheMarvelous)

Editing in General (MarissatheMarvelous)