Coming out... I don't know how to even begin.
In the past few days I realised how much I hate being in the closet and how hard it is to be in the closet. It's fuckin impossible. So in the past few days I have managed to come out to two of my best friends other than the two who already knew and I'm so incredibly proud of myself.
Here's the thing with coming out. Even though you know it's probably going to end well or you have an idea that most likely it will, it's still fricking terrifying. Probably the most nerve wracking thing you could ever dream of. Just thinking about it makes your heart race a million miles an hour. You can literally hear it beating in your chest as the anticipation builds up. Your mind runs over every possible way you could say it, every possible way you could mess it up, every possible reaction you could get. But really, it's in that two seconds where you actually say the words, "I'm ...." After you say it, that's it. You're done because then it's all up to them. All you can do is hope that they're ok with it and they still love you.
Coming out is something I never thought I would have to do, when I realised I was bisexual I was terrified to tell anyone but now I'm beginning to see that my loved ones still love me no matter what (and hopefully the rest, whom I haven't told yet, still will) Coming out, first you have to come out to you friends and family, that's the hard part. Freaking out, terrified inside that someone will find out before you tell them, scared out of your mind that it won't go well. But once you get past that family and friends stage, you still have to face the challenge of coming out every day. To people you meet who you want to be in your life, if you find a girlfriend or boyfriend. You have to face it so many times in your life someday that it won't be so hard anymore.
But I'm not there yet, there's always that little voice in my mind, freaking out that someone will find out, freaking out as my mind subconsciously runs over every possible reaction, every possible scenario, until I work myself into a scared and terrified mess.
For now, I'm proud that I've overcome some of my fear, the world is still a place where being part of the LGTB community is not normal and I understand that but for now I think I'll edge my way out of the closet, very little bit by very little bit.
