We Made It

Just Wait

He was constantly by her side.

Three more days had passed since James had found out Lily was unconscious. She did not stir. She did not awaken from the deep slumber. She was here but she wasn't. There was no life shown but the nurses said she was stable....just gone.

James was in the same clothes he had gotten into the day he was released. He had not left her side for the past three days. Dark stubble covered his chin and his hair stuck up in every direction even more than usual due to him running his hands through it so often. He had refused to eat until Sirius, with a kind of gentle roughness, had forced a bowl of porridge into his hand.

"Eat it." He had said.

"No thank you."

"Prongs, mate, you have to eat. Please." It was only because of his pleading tone that James had taken a few reluctant bites. Harry had visited a couple of times, but spent most of the time with Sirius.

"It's not right, James. Harry needs you. He needs you." James had shaken his head.

"Lily needs me too, Padfoot."

Two more days passed.

Eight days. Lily had been asleep for eight days. James had not seen her emerald eyes in eight days. He was scared now. A silent panic building in his chest. He would have given anything to trade places with her. To have him under the dark hand of sleep and she holding their child in her arms. But no, it seemed fate had a twisted way of presenting itself. By James' mistake of changing secret keepers, Lily was paying the price. Lily was trying desperately to hold her head above the dark abyss of death that could so easily drown her.

Sirius entered the room again, Harry in his arms.

"Dada! Mumma!" He squealed with delight as he reached his small arms out, grasping the air and begging for his father to hold him. James glanced up and felt a pang of hurt run through his chest as he looked into those green eyes.

Lily's eyes.

If he could have changed one thing, he would have prayed that he could look into a second pair of those emerald eyes as well. A fiery, driven pair of green eyes that had seen, felt, and lost too much, but held the world within them. Eyes that were heavy with the past, working with the present, and hopeful for the future. He needed her eyes, Lily's eyes.

There was no other way to explain it.

James reluctantly took Harry into his embrace. Tiny arms were wrapped around his neck and a small contented sigh erupted from Harry's small chest as he snuggled against his daddy's. James wrapped his trembling strong arms around the child and laid his head on Harry's. Sirius pulled a wooden chair up from a desk in the corner and sat next to them as a heavy silence ensued, broken only by the baby's soft snores.

***

The next day, Remus Lupin swept through the double doors of St. Mungos and walked, nearly ran, to the Potter's room. His light brown hair was unusually untidy and he was sporting a nasty gash on his face. His robes were even more ripped and shabbier then usual and dark circles surrounded his eyes. He pushed the heavy wood door open silently.

James sat in the same chair next to her side, head buried in his hands.

"James...?" Remus breathed softly. James looked up, eyes hardly responsive.

"R-Remus." He said in a hoarse whisper. James stood, stumbled forward, and embraced him.  Seeing James, the leader of their group and one of his best friends, so weak was strange and unfamiliar. Remus clung to James as if willing him to gain strength.

They released and Remus looked at James. His face was gaunt and dark, not the usual "James Potter" look of boyish and light. His hands looked red and raw from perhaps hitting things and they had a nervous twitch to them. His dark hair seemed dull and all over the place. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days.

"Sit down, Moony. I'll get Sirius." His voice came with little emotion, as though he were drained of it all. James took out his wand.

"E-Expecto Patronum.....Expecto Patronum!" Only a wisp of silver smoke propelled itself from the wand.

"James....I'll get him..." Remus said quietly.

"No, no! I've got it....I'll do it! Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum!" James face showed that every ounce of his strength was concentrated into that spell.....but nothing happened. No breath-taking stag emerged from the wand tip. James slid against the wall, face in his hands and his body shaking. Remus stood and drew his own wand.

"Expecto Patronum." He muttered. A large wolf bounded out of the wand and stood expectantly, as if waiting for orders. "Sirius, I just got here a bit ago. Come see us if you will. Thanks, Moony." He sent the wolf off as it disappeared. Remus turned to James. "James...?" He tried. James would not meet his eye. "It's ok mate.....it really is."

"No." James croaked. "It's not okay. It won't be okay until she wakes up. She's gone, Remus. She's gone, and it's because of me......" His hazel eyes brimmed with more tears as he said the words aloud. He actually believed that.

"You can't believe that rubbish, James. No one knew Peter was the spy-"

"Yeah, but if I hadn't changed secret keepers, none of this would have happened......we would be safe. Safe.....and together." His eyes stared hungrily at her bed, as if willing her to get up.

"I know it hurts right now, Prongs, but it's going to be alright-"

"How will it be alright when my whole world is in endless sleep in a hospital bed??? How can you tell me any of that will make this alright?!?" James spat hotly. Remus winced. "I-I'm sorry, Remus.....it's just....it should be me."

Remus stared at his dejected face and felt a weight settle in his chest. James' body shook from suppressing his sobs.

"It's ok, James. You can cry." As if he needed those words, large tears rolled from his eyes and dripped onto his jeans. The door opened and Sirius slipped in, Harry in his arms, and took in he scene around him.

"Moon! Moon moon!" Harry giggled and Remus couldn't help himself but to smile at the simplicity of Harry's grins. The things that made him happy. Just seeing the men in his life made his little heart overflow with joy. Harry had no recognition that they were praying for the end of a dreadful war soon, because of him.

Remus took Harry from Sirius' arms as Padfoot moved to James' side.

"Hey bud!" Remus smiled softly. He examined the child. Harry was unharmed except for a healing lightning shaped cut on his forehead. In his arm, he was holding the vanquisher of You-Know-Who. He was gone, and it was due to this child. The reality seemed to be unable to sink in. How could this tiny boy defeat someone who had killed so many? Remus didn't dwell on it too long.

"What happened to your face, Moony?" Sirius asked from his position next to James.

Remus lowered his voice.

"I was tailing a couple of death eaters when they turned and fired. I was under poly juice potion though, so they didn't necessarily know it was me. I'd just heard about.....well you know from Dumbledore when I got back." Sirius nodded thoughtfully. James looked up.

"Glad you're ok, Moony." He said in a voice that seemed as fragile as glass. Remus smiled softly.

"Me too, Prongs. Me too."