Prim's Games

Epilogue-KATNISS

They brought whatever was left of her in a wooden box. No. This can't be happening. I can't have lost my baby sister for good. All that was left of her after the explosion is a pile of ash. I sit down, and bury my head in my hands. If only I had insisted she not go. If only I had sent her better prepared. A whirlwind of ifs and maybes flies through my head, and one thing is clear. It's all my fault she's gone.

Mom has been in a haze for days. She's blank and unreachable, and while it's hard on me too-especially since I know it's all my fault-I wish she would stay with me. I don't think she'll ever recover from losing Dad and Prim. I don't blame her though. I don't know if I'll ever recover either.

Everyone in District 12 who knew Prim showed up at her funeral, all of us horrified that we lost a piece of brightness from our dark, bleak world. I only hunt what I need to, to keep Mom and me alive. I'm worried Mom might be lost forever if I leave her alone for too long. She's convinced it's her fault, but she's in no way to blame. She's completely innocent. I'm the one to blame.

"Hey Catnip, are you okay?" Gale asks, sitting down next to me. He's been here for me through this, but it's somehow not enough for me, only to have one person who isn't at risk of losing their mind left.

"I really wish people would stop asking me that. And no, I'm not okay. I don't know if I'll ever be okay. Or if I want to be."

"Sorry. Hey, I'm not pretending I know what you've been through. Or that I completely understand. But you're the toughest person I know. You'll be okay, someday Katniss." he says, but I don't feel like I will be.

"I just keep thinking...what if I had insisted she didn't volunteer Gale? What if I had sent her better prepared? And she's my little sister Gale! It's my job to keep her safe and yet I lost her to the damn Capitol! It's my fault she's dead. That boy may have dealt the killing blow, but I was the one who sent her there!"

"No it's not your fault at all Katniss. It's Haymitch's fault partially for not giving them good advice. It's partially the Capitol's fault for such a stupid system. It's the fault of the boy who killed her and the one who rigged the explosive. But this is in no way your fault Katniss. I promise." he says, and hugs me. I hug him back, savoring the familiarness of him. If fate really is playing a cruel joke with my life as the punchline, Gale might be next. And I can't let that happen.

"I just want to kill him again and again. He thought of Prim as an easy kill nothing more. I'm glad he's gone. I couldn't stand it if a monster like that won the Games." Rue ended up destroying the Careers' food, without Prim and she waited until the Careers' had killed everyone but her before taking on the last one standing. And winning. I'm glad, because she reminds me so much of Prim, and her district could also use the winnings. But I want Prim back, I wish it had been her that won.

"It'll be okay Katniss." he takes my hands in his, and then kisses me. It's an amazing kiss, I've never felt anything romantic for Gale before, but this is where I'm clearly meant to be, with Gale. For the first time since Prim's death I feel happy. I feel safe and comfortable. I feel like I'm right where I belong at last.