My creative writing assignments

National Poetry month collection

Every year the creative writing head makes us write a poetry collection in April. Last year she made us write 10 poems and print it out. This year she had mercy and had us write 4, without printing it out. The line limit was 30. I managed to go over it in the last one. While this assignment wasn't late, because it would have been a complete 0 otherwise, I have a bit of a saying now. 2 days late and 200 over the word limit. God I hope this formats correctly because wattpad tends to be a bitch whenever im posting poems.

National Poetry Month Collection: Really Shitty Mantras

All sorts of heaven that I don't deserve

Angel

An angel

Angels don't believe in me

But you do

I don't believe in angels

But I believe in you

Maybe you shouldn't believe in me

What if I clip your wings?

And angels

Angels are soft

Much softer than I am

And yet you believe in me

And yet I let you

Maybe I should go ahead

Reserve my seat in hell

Before it is done for me

I Think the Soles of my Feet are Rotting

Every inch of entrapping skin

Wishes to fall and meet the floor

And I find my breath quick with despair

A dash of self pity leaves a bad taste in my mouth

Like sugar you should have brushed from your teeth long ago

And mantras of self torture replay

I wonder what is my fault and what I have fabricated

Hope and expectation kills

As if it were a self inflicted curse

Warnings missed and red herrings caught

Well have I ruined it yet?

Cause ive done it over and over again in my head

And I have ruined it?

With my daily regrets

And my nonsensical fears

Well I know that you're here

That your here

That your here

But im all the way over there

With guts no where to be found

And my own brains spilled out

Intrusivities laid out on the ground

Talking Myself in Circles Like I Do

I can't seem to adjust

Well, honey, this worlds unjust

You held me as I cried that day

I kicked and wailed like a creature cornered

And afraid and without hope

"But hey, at least your eyeliner looks great?"

And isn't that it?

These little distractions we give ourselves

Consumerist ideals wrapped up in plastic hot topic bags

As we avoid unscrewing our eyeliner sharpeners

Who gives a fucking shit?

Ignore me, your wonderful, your trying

I'm just being a dick, because well that isn't really helpful.

Well, honey, im obsessed with overcomplication

I'm always thinking but always about nothing

Substance keeps chasing me and I keep running

When I try to run towards it, meet it, I get confused and run the other way

Im unaware like that,

people have had to grab me by the shoulders and steer me out of the way of bikers before

I once almost got hit by a car because I was waving goodbye to a pretty girl

I get distracted like that

I can create worlds for days but im failing 9th grade math

I once had passion

I had hope, I had fear, I was hopeless

I once cared a lot

I still do but can just barely taste it

I can't think about those things anymore

I refuse to

I don't know anything and I don't want to know

But I know you're in front of me

Well you're not

because your a shitty conversation with our parents, some begging, and an hour drive away

Really you're not that far at all but circumstance makes things hard

And I can't see past my nose

I get distracted like that

I create problems that don't exist to mull over

Expect light at the end of the road or eternal damnation only to be met with the opposite

Every. Time.

It kills me

It claws at my brain

I think all of the time

I can't stop

I hate it

Kill me.

And I think of nothing

Nothing of worth or substance

And I had potential– I think I do at least

But I can't catch it

Not properly at least

And I remember I am 15

And I have so much time

And life doesn't end at 20, or 25 or even 30

And I can do it.

Well, honey, I can try

But, honey, I don't know if I know how to