Cinderella... Kinda
Once upon a time in a far way land, like so far away, like super far away. Like you need a bus, a train, a taxi, and a jet to get to this place. It's like really far. Now that we got this out of the way, in this far away land, there was a kingdom.
In this kingdom, there was a castle which held the royal family. (You see it had to be far away because then there wouldn't be any royals) The king and queen only had one son, for some reason, and that one son was out on a hunting trip. Anyway, the king and queen were really old and they only had one successor.
The prince, the king and queen's son, wasn't married and they believed that in order to rule the kingdom well, you had to be married. (This is before Brave was made) So when the Prince arrived back from the hunting trip, the king and queen announced that they were throwing a ball in his honor and at the ball he had to chose a bride.
For some reason, the parents didn't just invite the women of the entire kingdom, they invited everyone. So I guess the prince was bi (he swings in both directions). Also, if everyone truly invited or only the rich and kinda rich people. Because there will be some hobos hogging the buffet table, just saying. But whatever, everyone is invite to this random ass ball.
Meanwhile...
So there is this servant girl, named Cinderella, and she is treated like utter shit and still is nice to the people. I mean, she is literally the only one doing any chores. If I was her I would pack my bags and run away in the middle of the night. Pack my bags and head on out to like New York. (New York is were it is at)
While Cinderella is doing the chores around the house, the royal messenger says that there is a ball. (Oh wow, didn't see that coming). And Cinderella gets all excited because she wants to go.
And her stepmother is like, "Lol, you thought you can go? Lmao. Now go do impossible things."
Then there are like these little mice who make Cinderella a dress, but it doesn't matter because the dress gets ripped to shreds anyway. (Oops spoiler alert)
Fast forward, Cinderella did the impossible things and is in a dress and like everyone is like, "Wow! She actually can go!"
But her stepmother is like, "Psych bitch! You actually thought you can go! And just to prove the fact that I actually hate you, I'm gonna have my daughters rip apart your dress that is like your only memory left of your mom and give you more chores to do! So long bitch!"
So this is when the dress gets ripped up. Cinderella starts crying like the big baby she is. And I'm like, I get it, your life sucks. But if it was okay to cry in public, we would all be doing it.
Then boom! Fairy godmother. Literally only shows up when her dress gets ripped. She could've helped Cinderella out with her situation with the stepmom. Like wtf? Worst. Fairy. God. Mother. Ever. Rate: 0/10. Would not recommend.
Then Cinderella is all pretty and stuff but it wears off at midnight. Honestly worst magic powers ever!
Now it's at the party and the prince is like to his friend, "Holy smokes, who is this babe? I think I want to marry her."
*cue Bruno Mars*
They dance and talked all evening, it was totally bizarre. But then midnight comes and the prince tries to kiss her and bam, shoe to the face. Like owwwww! Hard core rejection right there. (Ok, I know this isn't how it happened in the film, but whatever).
After midnight, Cinderella is back to normal and is daydreaming of the prince. (Forgot to mention, her stepmom and sisters didn't recognize her at all. WTF???????? Pull the bullshit alarm because I'm smelling something stinky) [Why is she daydreaming about the prince if she threw a shoe at him?]
The prince is also daydreaming about her too. So um, the prince sets out on a hunt to find the girl whose shoes fit the slipper or shoe. (Why didn't the shoes disappear to? I mean, they were part of the fairy godmother's magic?)
So the prince finally gets to Cinderella's house and the stepsisters have a fangirl moment. I mean, I would too if Dylan O'Brian showed up at my door. The stepsister's obviously don't fit into the shoe and then one of them break it and the prince is all
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((.
Then Cinderella appears and shows the other glass slipper.
Then marriage.
THE END!
