"Okay, once upon a time there was a crab named Billy. And Billy left his girlfriend, Monika the spider for Puff the pufferfish. Monika and Billy were very kinky when they were together but made sure to use the best kelp protection they could find because if she got pregnant, she would die. (I should add that she lives on land while Billy lives under water). Monika soon became obsessed with Billy and begged him not to forget her!! She hated to turn up in the blue uninvited but he plagued her mind and she couldn't bare the thought of him dating Puff... So she KILLED PUFF!!
(*sob emoji x3*)
DUN DUN DUN
She warned him and told him never to forget her. She disappeared to the land. Monika watched from her crystal ball spun from web as billy consulted the Unicorns of the sea! (Aka the whale) AND CUT OFF HIS RIGHT CLAW TO BRING PUFF BACK TO LIFE!!!!!
Monika sobbed, for now Puff was immortal and alive, and Billy, being the crab he was, would grow back his claw.
Monika soon got over it- she found someone like him anyway... a scorpion named Ned."
"But Monika the spider was a jealous b-i-t-c-h because when she found out that Billy the crab was getting married to Puff the pufferfish, she showed up to their wedding, UNINVITED.
UNINVITED.
Not even that though, she came in like a wrecking ball and knocked everything down. She also got her friend the BBW (big bad wolf) to blow down the house."
"However, soon after, Monika realized that this was a waste of her precious time because Ned had accidentally impregnated her. So she stopped harassing them, hid in a cave with Ned and died a few weeks later.
Billy and Puff lived happily ever after!"
"With constant visits from Monika, Billy had to get a restraining order."
"BUT SHE'S DEAD."
"Her ghost."
"NO SHE'S DEAD."
"She's a zombie."
"NO."
"Fine! The offspring of the spider and the scorpion harassed Billy and Puff at unsuspecting times."
"FUCK NO.
SHE DIED BEFORE SHE COULD TELL THEM."
"Imagine how creepy that would be."
"Oh my god yea."
"Duh, but Ned told his offspring and she wanted to see them so she hid in the corner of the bedroom while they were..."
"Duck no.
She's dead.
He's grieving.
Billy and Puff live happily ever after."
"With occasional visits from the spider and the scorpion."
"NO."
"YES."
"NO OR I WILL SHUN YPU."
"Who is ypu?
They seem nice.
Tell them I say hi."
