Fear Guarded Heart

Before

I sat on an old wooden bench, gazing up at the tall buildings around me. It was spring time in the city and quite cold still at night. I had my favorite oversized grey hoodie on, trying to stay warm. Next to my feet I had my big suitcase and my favorite purple purse. Occasionally a car would drive past. A couple of times someone stopped and ask if I needed help. I didn't need help. I just wanted to disappear. I really wished that my life hadn't turned down this road.

In my 16 years of life I've been through more than most people had been through. My name is Alyssa. I am the daughter of two very busy parents. They both have high powered jobs that take up most of their lives, which left little time for me. My mother, Theresa, is the chief editor to a famous fashion magazine. She is always away on business, going to fashion shows and meeting with famous designers. My father, Franklin, is the top attorney in the San Fransico area and is so envolved with work I only ever saw him on weekends when he wasn't catching up on sleep or flying to where ever my mother is that weekend.

Why they decided to have a kid, I am not sure. I guess so they could say they had one. Only problem was, I didn't live up to their expectations. Instead of being a straight A student or athletically inclined, I am just me. I was an angry, self-conscious, and untrusting teen. For years now I felt alone in the world. I was also a dreamer, always spacing off in class and daydreaming about what life would be like if my parents were around more. On top of that, I wasn't real popular either. I was just there. I didn't fit in with anyone really. I had never had a boyfriend either. Its not like I was ugly. I was petite with long brown hair with flecks of copper when the sunlight hit my hair. I had tan skin, but not the fake orange I see on most of the girls at school. If I had more confidence, I'd probably say I was pretty. The reason I didn't have a boyfriend is because I didn't have a life. I went to school then home. Thats what my life consisted of, until now.

A couple of weeks ago, when both my parents were at home, we had an actual family dinner and they told me that they thought I'd be better off at boarding school. They said they were sick of my grades being below average and that I needed to be better so they would have a better image for our family. I told them that I didn't want to go but that just started an arguement.

"Alyssa, you have to get better grades and a better education. You won't get that here in a public school. They don't push you hard enough." my mom stated.

"Mom they push me just fine. I am just struggling a bit this year. Give me time, it"ll get better." I Begged.

"No Alyssa, this isn't up to you. You are going to a boarding school in Europe. Thats final!" My mom yelled.

"This isn't fair! You guys are never around and now I am being sent away! Now you won't have to worry about seeing me at all or me getting in your way. I might as well run away. you won't miss me!" I croaked, trying to stop the tears from breaking through.

"Woo, wait a second Alyssa. Don't speak to your mother like that. Besides, I have another idea. I will let you make the desicion between the two. But it has to be one or the other." my father said.

"What is it?" I said quietly.

"Why don't you go live with your Aunt Sarah for a while. She's been pretty busy and could use the help around the house when she is at her shop. You could try out the school there. It's a smaller community so there are fewer students to each classroom. Maybe it will help get more one on one time with the teacher if you need help." my dad said suggestively.

" I have to choose one of those?" I said, slightly shocked.

"Yes. You do. I will give you tonight to think. I need an answer in the morning." My dad said as he stood to leave the dinner table.

Wow. Europe or Hicksville USA. Which one should I choose?