It's been a blessing to share all those moments with your baby , when their in your belly they still can hear,feel , sense all the stuff your going through. When your pregnant you feel happy and feel like you and your baby can just do anything ... That 9 months is a blessing , even if you feel like you didn't do a good job or a mistake you should do it till the end , I mean why didn't you wore a condom if you wasn't expecting a baby and if you don't trust condoms don't have sex at all .
That 9 months I sometimes felt that my whole body was gunna change after I have my dear Faida . I wanted to go overseas and explore the whole world with her and actually hear a little , adorible creature calling me " Mom " .
I was waiting to have my own baby since I saw my mom struggle with my brother is now dead ... My little brother , when we was living in Korea he was very sick he had albinism , A skin disorder which a person skin is lighter than others close to white and also have very poor eye sight and have the risk of getting skin cancer .
Well my family was little , we was yellowish since we was always in the sun and love exploring nature my little he had to stay inside mostly when it was summer and he hated it . He would always put his hand out the window but was afraid if getting cancer . One day my mom and I , we went out to go to the food market which I loved going when I was little . I loved looking at different varieties of vegetables, fruits , grains everything !
Well I told my mom I wanted to grab some mangos I loved mangos my favorite thing to eat . After that a village women came running to my mom saying " your baby boy is coughing blood and he keeps saying he can't see ."
I threw my mango and ran with my mom , worried so sick . When we went there my sweet little brother was already dead .. my mom cried so much every villagers wanted to immigrate.
I said " Umma snap out of it ."
My mom looked like she wanted to kill me with dried out tears in her eyes , she looked at me for a second and slapped me so hard my cheeks were red a whole week .
My mom said " How can you tell me to snap out of it when my .... My baby died on me ! It's all your fault your brother died ! If you don't beg me to go to the market your brother would of been alive ! Get away from me now !
I Never saw my mom mad at me like that she was always nice and innocent she always told people "life still goes on even if your going down ." That day I ran far away to the woods where nobody could find me , I never knew it was my fault that my little brother died because of me .
As I was walking in the woods I kept on seeing a shape or little kid that looked like my brother . I kept on walking and was feeling like I was being watched when I turned I saw my poor little brother right in front of me .
My brother said " Big sis I came to tell you it's not your fault , I died because I didn't listen and god gave me this skin condition for a reason . This happened because it was time for me to die and so will your day come too . Tell mom I love her and I will watch you from above , I will watch you have your precious baby I want to tell you, don't give up like me . I was a punk for ignoring the kids who bullied me because of my skin condition . But you big sis your way different you will be a strong women a bright future is ahead of you go back home I think mom is worried sick about you .. love you .
As he tried to hug me no matter what I couldn't feel his body against mine I started shaking and didn't want him to leave already .
I screamed loud " Don't go ! Please stay ! Stay. ..!
I ran back home seeing mom calling my name loud . When I went up to her she hugged me so tight I felt her heart beat .
" Don't you ever run away again you hear me ! Now come here T-ara I'm so sorry that I slapped you so hard, are you okay ?
" Yes umma .. Umma song -do told me to tell you he loves you , I saw his ghost in the wood ."
" we both love him ,don't we ?
My mom hugged me again and tried to hold her tears , your wondering where my dad has been . We'll he has been in the states working very hard to make a living he was studying to be a business man and when we told him that song -do died. He transfer us to the U.S right away my real name was tang-ra to fit in they called me T-ara instead .
I know my whole life is messed up but I have been enduring it since now , my dad is always busy but never makes it to any important events like my birthday he promised me he would be there but me and my mom just celebrated our birthdays together but my mom loves him so much, she would only understand him .
And the biggest most important person in my life is of course Imran he's my love . Even though I thought I would end up with Ahmed , See you never know who will be your true love the only person that knows is god .
