You'd Be North

one || rough waters

They're driving to Kensi's apartment when it happens.

They've been dating for about a month and a half now, and are on their way back from an especially long and tiring mission, one that hit Kensi pretty close to home. She's been snippy and cold towards Deeks all day, her emotions running higher than usual, and of course she regrets it. He can tell that she feels awful. But the thing that makes her feel even worse, he knows, is that he didn't lash back. Not once. He took everything in stride and just let her be for the day. And now he feels guilty that she feels guilty.

The ride is silent. They take the highway usually, and that's just what they're doing. For a change, she isn't playing techno music (he knows she figures she owes him that much).

They're about three miles from her home now. He looks over, observing his partner. She's focused on the road, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. Her hair is down and wavy, just the way he likes it, and he's just kind of admiring her even in her pissed-off, emotional state when suddenly-

"I love you."

He isn't sure what comes over him. It just... slips. Once the words have left his mouth, though, he knows there won't be any take backs. But he doesn't care. He doesn't regret it. So when his mind finally catches up with what he just said, he takes in the fact that this is actually probably long overdue, and it has been since his incident with Sidorov. Probably even earlier than that, actually. But it is the first time either of them have said it out loud, and he isn't sure how she'll take it.

She doesn't say anything, and Deeks wonders if she heard him, though he doesn't dare repeat himself. But he does take in her body language. She's rigid and her grip on the steering wheel is still tight, but that's just how she's been, so he can't tell for sure if his words affected her. So he purses his lips, exhales deeply, and leans back in his seat, staring up at the roof of the car.

About two minutes later, once they've left the highway, the car comes to a sharp halt. Deeks lurches forward, causing his seatbelt to rub painfully against the side if his neck. "Gah!" he cries out, hand flying up to the red mark that's now stinging his skin. He hisses in pain before turning to his partner. "What the hell was that?"

She continues to just stare ahead of them for another moment before she speaks, eyes not leaving the road they're stopped in the middle of. "You tell me."

Deeks scoffs and winces. "Well, I think that was a perfect example of your reckless dri-"

"Deeks." She's looking at him through the corner of her eye and he sighs. He knows what she meant. And she knows it, too.

"Right," he breathes, running a hand over his scruff. "I, uh... I said-"

"I heard what you said."

He frowns. "So... why are we just parked here in the middle of the street?"

She takes a deep breath and finally turns to face him. "Why would you say that, Deeks?"

He shrugs. "I... I don't know. I just... did. But don't get me wrong," he adds quickly, "I don't regret it! I meant what I said."

"But... why now?" she asks in an uncharacteristically soft voice, a frown eminent on her features. "Why now, after we've only been dating for a little over a month, and after I've been nothing but a bitch towards you all day?"

"Kens, I can't-"

"Please," she says, begging with her eyes and damn it he's such a sucker for her. "I want to know why you said that now, of all the times to say it."

He sighs. "You're not moving this car until you get an explanation, are you?" he asks. The look she gives him tells him that he's correct. So he clears his throat. "Okay. Uh... I guess I just said it because... well, it seemed like an appropriate time. And before you get the chance to cut me off again," he says when he sees her begin to open her mouth, "I'm going to explain why. I guess... well, every couple has their ups and downs, right? Today, for us, was obviously a bit of a down.

"But Kens, the downs are what makes the relationship stronger, right? I said... I said I love you because I do, especially here and especially now. Because I don't think a good relationship is made up of smooth sailing and perfect waters, and I do think the fact that I love you now more than ever, flaws, emotions, bad mood and all, is what defines us. Or, at least, me.

"When I say I love you, I don't mean that I love you when things are perfect and life is grand. I mean that I love you at your best and at your worst, and I'm honestly kicking myself for not saying it sooner because I'm pretty sure I've loved you for a really long time. So... yeah. There it is."

He finishes with an exhale, slowly turning his head to look at his partner. If you ask him later, Deeks probably won't be able to repeat what he told her right then. He just kind of... spoke. He just hopes that what he said was enough to get through to her.

When his gaze lands on Kensi, she's staring. Her mismatched eyes are wide and her lips are slightly parted and if he could describe her in any way right now it would be completely and utterly shocked. So he gives her a weak smile and says, "You don't have to say it back. As nice as it would be, I'm not asking you to say something you aren't ready for and I just wanted to get this off my chest and-"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence because she's launched herself at him. He didn't even notice that her seatbelt was gone until now, where he's enveloped in a tight hug from his partner as she buries her face in the crook of his neck. He wonders how the hell her position can be comfortable based on the fact that she's leaning over the console in order to reach him, but he doesn't ask. He just tentatively wraps his own arms around her form until he's hugging her back just as tightly. He lets out a breath of relief. He's alive and breathing, so he made it farther than he thought he would.

She pulls away from him slightly and tangles her fingers in the unruly hair at the nape of his neck. "I love you, too," she finally says softly, smiling radiantly and holy shit she is so beautiful.

Deeks smiles back just as warmly before he places his forehead to hers. "I was kind of hoping you'd say that," he says lowly before she laughs breathlessly and closes the small space between them, pressing her lips to his in a firm, loving kiss.

And as his hand moves up to cup the side of her face, Deeks wonders how he's ever gotten along without this.

Meh. Overly cliché situation is overly cliché. I don't know, I guess I just kinda wanted to add in my own version of their first actual, "I love you." As amazing as the deleted scene was (or scenes if you count the 5x19 one), I still wanted to kind of create my own alternate situation. So I present to you this piece that my fingers barfed up at 3:00 in the morning (:

But yeah, my first story on Wattpad! Hope you enjoyed!

Like it, love it, hate it? Feedback is appreciated!

xx