The Wrong Side

Chapter 13

It was the longest week I have ever had. Ever. I had this tiny little room on the floor with only a bed. I couldn't sleep all week, and I couldn't leave the floor. Venning was hardly around, so I was stuck on the floor with What's-his-face. I didn't feel comfortable talking with him so I tried to pass the time by doing whatever I could without destroying anything. I ended up trying to sleep half the time but it didn't really work out because I couldn't sleep in the headquarters. It was all too cold and white and too far away from home. One of the only conversations I had with What's-his-face was when I asked how he could sleep here. He replied that he had a house near the compound and that he didn't actually sleep here. I honestly think that as long as it was in the city, it wouldn't have mattered.

Right now, it's 4:52 am and I'm waiting to be woken up for the day of the operation. I guess that I would be waiting if I wasn't wide awake and staring at the sky. After five hours of lying there, I figured, screw it, and I came out into the main office. It's almost totally dark in here, but through the windows, the city is still alive. I can't see the stars here, or the moon for that matter. If I couldn't fall asleep at home, I'd name off the constellations to pass the time. The last time I did that was almost four months ago, at my last evaluation day. God, it hasn't been as long as I thought; it feels like forever ago when everything was slightly more normal. I guess normal for me.

"Can't sleep?"

It's Venning.

"No."

"Nervous?"

"No. It's just not comfortable here," I reply, taking a shuddering breath.

"Yes. When I first moved here, I suffered from insomnia for a long time. Of course, it was from totally different reasons."

"Do you mind me asking what reasons, sir?"

"I do, actually."

Whatever. I bite my lip hard enough so that blood starts welling up and I can taste the metallic saltiness in my mouth. My lip also stings, but the pain doesn't bother me that much. If anything, it give me something else to concentrate on besides... well, everything that's happened so far.

"How long will the operation take tomorrow?" I ask.

"All day at least," Venning replies and he doesn't look at me when he talks. Instead, he looks out the window and at the city below. "We will be giving you a large dose of the serum which is used to 'fuzz up' your memories. We can't use it all at once, so it will be given slowly throughout the day and you will slowly start forgetting everything."

The way he says that scares me so much. I thought that the procedure would be quick and one minute I would remember everything and the next, I would be Caden Tarasi.

"Sir, how would I have Caden Tarasi's memories?" I ask.

"You shouldn't worry about that," says Venning. "It will happen right after the first procedure. The... fake memories will feel... well, fake but they will be more clear than your real ones so your mind will convince yourself that they are real."

"And if I don't remember my mission, how will I complete it?"

"As soon as you forget who you are, I will tell you your mission again but not in so many words. That memory will be the only thing that you will think is real and you will want to find out what it means."

I take a shaky breath. "I'm scared," I say.

"Yes, you have told me this before. Suck it up because there are going to be plenty of moments in life where you are scared."

"I know. It's just..." I sigh, not knowing what to say. "I'm going to go and try sleeping again."

"I'll see you in a few hours then."