Big Bad Wolf

High End Pørn

*Mikey's POV*

"You never get very deep in our little talks" pastor fuck face says tapping his chin. Another day, another therapy session with a sweaty old man. I hate this. "You mentioned you had a girlfriend. Tell me about her, tell me what happened" he demands.

I tense up inside but my hard outer shell doesn't crack. "That slut Mariah? I fucked her until I got bored of her"

"What about Anna... Andrea...Abigail...?" he attempts to remember a name of one of my ex's.

"Addy." I correct "Same yeah. Fucked her"

"But you didn't break up with her?"

"What?" I say, surprised at the question, or trying to hope he didn't just ask what I think he asked.

"Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?"

"No" I reply simply, not really answering his question.

"No?"

"We didnt break up with each other... it's complicated"

"So you're still together? From what I remember it was two years ago"

"You couldn't even remember her name" I snapped. It's actually a year and a half ago.

"True. But I will now, why don't you tell me what happened?"

My eyes harden on him. "She killed herself"

He takes a moment to recover from the initial surprise and spits out a overused 'sorry for your loss'. He's not sorry, I'm sorry, it's my fault.

He takes a deep breath "have you dated since then. And I mean real dating not sleeping with a girl"

I gulp. Because, well, Pete and I aren't actually dating. He asked me about it, and I'm pretty sure he calls me his boyfriend. Yeah, fuck. "Yeah"

"Who?"

"No one special" I say too quickly.

"And how does Addy's death affect this relationship?"

"It doesn't" I insist. Because it doesn't. I'm just messing with Pete until I get out of here.

"You're not hesitant to date her?" he assumes its a 'her'.

"No" I say. But it's starting to get to me. I am afraid. I'm afraid for him. For his protection. For his happiness.

"You don't fear to care for her?" he cracked my shell. The room is spinning and I feel nauseous.

"N-no" I have to swallow midway through to keep from losing my do dinner.

"Oh really?" he's skeptical. He doubts me.

"No!" I slam my hands down on the leather chair and push myself up. "I don't care. Because when you start to care you're weak. You let yourself open and you get crushed." I'm screaming now, they can probably hear me down that hall, and I know Pete's in the office's lobby waiting for me. He always does. "You fucking get hurt and leave pieces of yourself behind!"

I'm shaking, eyes blurry with tears. He tries to come console me but I jerk away. I'm out the door, crossing the lobby where I know Pete will be sitting in the red cushioned chair, doing homework. I trudge all the way to the dorm room. Not looking at anyone.

I shut the door and scrunch up in the corner of my bed. Then, the dams break. Here come the fire works. I stuff a hand over my mouth to conceal the sobs and rock back and forth. I'm staring at the blank wall, through the blurring tears.

Images, flashbacks. They fill my vision. They normally only happen when I close my eyes-which is why I never sleep-but now it's happening in the harsh light.

Images of the good and bad times with Addy. Images of Pete. Images of family. And and the worst of all, a full on video and audio of Addy's last moments.

I'm biting my hand so hard to conceal the noise, so much so that I'm pretty sure I crushed a finger bone.

Someone, Pete probably, removes my hand from my mouth and a struggle against him. My voice is cracking and he's finally fed up with the noise, kissing me to shut me up.

I calm under his touch, enough to control myself, but I push him away nonetheless. "Go away!"

"No" Pete's not a stubborn person but he sure as hell is one now. I try pushing him away again but he gains some kind of strength and pins my hands against the bed. "You're going to be okay"

He said that, here and now, but what I saw was Addy saying it to me as I held her in my arms. Her last breath.

"No" I say countering his stubbornness. "it's not okay! I'm not okay! I'm going to hurt you!"

"You won't hurt me." he insists. "you won't hurt me"

I won't. That's the fact that really sucks. I can't hurt him because I care for him. Fuck.

------

I fell asleep in his arms, forgetting the fact that I'm taller and this is awkward. Also, it was only six at night.

But now I'm woken up by a knock on the door and Pete's warm embrace leaving me cold, to answer the door.

Someone mumbles something, the old fart pastor I bet.

"He's fine" Pete says back quietly "he's sleeping it off"

"Thank you Pete." pastor fuck dewlap says "I'm proud of you. I knew you could handle him."

I bet Pete's smiling brightly as he thanks the dude and wishes him goodnight. It's only eight now, but I suppose it's nighttime then.

As he nears the bed, I engulf him in my arms and kiss him right away.i don't want to talk about it. That's awkward and embarrassing and I just want it all to be over.

"Mikey..." he tries to pull away but I pull my lips back into his and flip him so I'm on top, straddling him.

My mind is clouded. Trying not to think and this is easy. Making out.

"Mikey!" he pushes me off, onto the floor, completely freaked out. We're both hard through our pyjama pants and it finally hits me. He's freaked enough to be kissing a dude, dry humping on a bed probably isn't much better. I'm so stupid.

"I-I I'm sorry" he's got a distant, fearful look in his eyes and he's shaking.

"It's my fault" I mumble and comb a hand through my hair.

"I-I can't..."

I almost said 'you're already breaking one rule, I'm sure god won't care about the sex before marriage rule' but I'm not that stupid. So instead I put my hand on his knee. He flinches and looks down at me.

"We should just go to bed" I say, not caring about the time anymore. I want to forget all the horrible things in my life. Hopefully I can sleep.