Silent Deception

05.08.74

It was August 5 1974.I was cradled on the floor with an inexplicable pain in my spine.If I moved,it doubled.I decided to stay in this position until I felt somewhat better.In the eerie silence,the phone rang.I cussed at the thought of having to drag myself to it before it cut.Just in time I picked up the receiver and in an instant my face fell to the floor.I dropped the receiver with the line still active.I was blank....I was numb....I was momentarily paralyzed.Six words that hauntingly brought the orbit of my world,our world to a violent stand-still...."Ethan is dead.He was stabbed."

The funeral was a blur.I remember sitting right next to the casket,my hand over his heart throughout the service.I didnt care about tradition,that was where I wanted to be in the last few moments his flesh was allowed to be above the ground.At the graveyard I sat on the ground with my feet dangling in the rectangular pit they said he would remain.I didnt care who was looking,I didnt give a shit about anyone there.I wanted him not just in spirit but body.I wanted to slap the preacher.How dare he give a sermon he gave to every other person who died before?How dare he put my love,my world,my being in the same bracket as a bunch of people we would never know?He spoke so matter-of-factly of someone he didnt know.Hell,I should be the one giving the sermon.I was angry.....angry at everything including the ants in the grass beside his grave.

I didnt cry.Not a single tear.I had shutdown.Nothing was functioning as it should have.I dont even think I blinked the whole time.Whilst everyone was downstairs eating cake,dressed like the mafia in all black and consoling themselves,I locked myself in his room.I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself.Dressed in just his hockey jersey and barefoot.Noone questioned why I dressed like that to his funeral.And if they did my fists were ready to answer.

"Bees knees.....five hives"
He always said that when he was about to sneeze.I wanted to sneeze the life out of me.I wanted to just tie a piece of string around my neck and hang from the ceiling.I wanted to die so badly.I had his soul tied to mine so much I had forgotten what it was like to have just but one soul.My fear was that death would try to rip our souls apart.So I knelt down,closed my eyes and chanelled his wavelength.Nothing......I searched and searched my heart for the energy of our intimacy......Nothing.....No!No!No!This was not happening.

I ran out the house as fast as I could.Ran the whole 5km to the graveyard.I had heard stories about how the spirits of the dead would linger around the gravesites where their bodies lay until the days of mourning are done.If I was gonna do it,I would have to do it now.I removed the flowers on top of the mound of earth covering his grave and lay there,hands on chest.I knew he still had me tied to his soul and if I called myself from him,he would come.

I closed my eyes and called my name.Nyla!Nyla!NYLA!NYLAAAA!NYLAAAAAA!!!!I felt a hand on my shoulder.A shiver ran down my spine.I opened my eyes and they met the eyes of the groundsman.He looked at me pitifully and I knew.

That night I lay in bed with my body asleep but my heart awake.That's when I felt it.The kiss on my forehead.I knew it.I opened my eyes and my eyes met his.I thought I was dreaming.He pulled me in close and I put my head on his chest.My Ethan,my love,my world.For the first time since he died,I wept quietly.Just as I was about to speak he placed his finger on my lips and held me tighter and what he said next changed the whole paradigm of the situation.

"Nyla listen to me carefully.Im here to buy time.I cant crossover without you.We will find the people who did this to me,to us.Give them a life for a life.When they all pay their dues,we will crossover together"

I silently nodded with a smile on my face.They werent ready........