I grew up in a pretty "normal" typical Aussie background, you know the parties, barbecues and bush walks etc. but in between all of that I have also experienced things I wish I hadn't. Seen things I didn't want to see, heard things I wish I didn't and emotions I wish I didn't feel. but i like to think that it's all made me the tiniest bit stronger.
When I was in grade five, after a lot of drama and loss in family i developed anxiety and other mental illness signs, I had panic attacks and was kind of just out of it. I went through a really rough patch of causing trouble and I hurt a lot of people along the way. I think back and realise how stupid those times were but I still ask "how did i do it?". Being the young Kirra I was, I didn't really grasp the idea of 'Mental health' or why it was important. I know understand it completely. Your head will pick you up and you feel so good....until you throw yourself at a wall (I laughed at the image too). Also being so young I didn't really understand the term 'death' either, i knew it meant 'gone' but I never took it seriously. Over the past five/six years my family has met a lot of grieving and death, to fault the one and only cancer. We lost a lot of loved ones, and they are dearly missed. The topic of cancer is one that has dug a big hole in my heart and i know so many others affected by the disease. stay strong, you will get through.
As you know, i'm now fourteen and the past 3 years (high school) have been some of the best and worst times of my life. I have made unbelievably amazing friends and still older ones. Life was good for quite a while, but teenage years can't always be good and things get mixed up. You get these horrible things called "feelings" and suddenly you have to be grown up, also apparently it's wrong to watch Scooby Doo at this age, WHYYY. A lot of things change but "It's all one big experience", that's what my uncle use to say anyway. We all go through horrible things and I'm not one for sob stories but am a person to talk to, if that makes any sense. I just don't like attention seekers. Anyway, i guess you could say this is my "sob story" but i'm not doing it for attention, It's for those who go through it all as well, who don't understand.
Last year, after going through a lot of bad stuff to do with family (stuff I'm not specifying) I went a bit down hill and was suggested (or forced, either one)to go to the doctors; they put me on antibiotics because I was showing other kinds of symptoms (feeling sick and being tired), I knew that it had something to do with my mental health but I didn't really want to deal with that then, I thought it would ruin my life. It came to this year about two months ago, the same person "suggested" me back to the doctors, where I was confirmed for having clinical anxiety. I'm on tablets now to "balance" my mood, but I don't see what they do. I hate taking them because it's a constant reminder that i'm not normal and that if i want to be so, I need to change myself but pumping useless shit into my body.
i get through every day with the help of my friends, they are everything to me and I try to never do wrong by them but everyone makes mistakes and messes up.
I still have my moments but I like to think i'm getting somewhat better.
It's hard for anyone going through this, so please don't under estimate anyone, they might be fighting a battle. you don't know.
