Wolfstar Dawn (BoyxBoy)

Doushite....?

[A tiny little idea i had the moment i heard Doushite by Tohoshinki. Its one of these songs that send your way so many different feels and i thought why not about Wolfstar? What if one of them was too embarrassed and afraid to speak of their love and the years just went by until Remus found someone else; a wife; a chance for family; something more than just one sided love. Well, this one will be short, i guarantee it....no, believe me, i'm true to my word...for now...
Have fun reading!!! ]

Why?

So many years; so many words were spoken yet none of what they both wanted to hear...

Why?

It seemed so meaningless now that they got this far; so meaningless to just turn back to something that never happened...

The night was too dark and thick for such a pleasant event. The wind was silent and the stars pale while the moon was nowhere to be found. What was holding him right there? A letter; a single letter with his nickname written upon it. "Pads" that was what he was calling him. Padfoot was the full one but to the werewolf it seemed more suitable to just cut it and hold what really mattered. So Pads it was and Sirius never complained for that change. Whatever he was being called by Remus it was fine by him. He never complained, only for the god damned flees that were torturing him even while he was reading that letter. 

The young man scratched the back of his neck and then went all the way down to his collar bone. There was the real thing; scratching at that spot seemed like a heavenly gift. He shut his eyes and sighed in satisfaction; but to be honest he was more concerned about the inside of the letter. It was sent to him a few weeks ago but he was too pissed to open it; he was to deep in his anger to read a single word. For a month straight since Remus announced his wedding to his friends, Sirius decided that it was best for him to remain in his Animagus form and simply wander around not even returning to James' house. He wanted to realize; understand what was truly going on instead of acting irrationally later on. He needed to clear his head from every kind of negative thought, until...

Until that very day was only a few hours away from reaching him.. He leaned his back against the bridge's bars and sighed, brushing some of his curly hair off his face and backwards. His heart was pounding really fast and it was hearting him. It was what every teenage girl was talking about; the heart break; He couldn't hear cracking noises but his heart was actually throbbing, his stomach was killing him and he wanted to throw up and then curl up in some corner and just die there. Regrets; they were torturing him...He took a deep breath and held tightly the letter. Sirius didn't dare to lay eyes upon it; he simply ripped it apart and then threw what was left of it behind. A light night breeze blew only to scatter them around and what remained at the spot where Sirius was standing before leaving, had only a few words written. 

"I love you, Sirius Black.." 

So, why? Why did he end up falling for him? The band had already started playing the music as the bride was walking in. 
Why? Why did things end up this way? His eyes fell on Remus. Sirius was standing at first row next to James, yet he was not as happy as his best friend was. His face had lost every kind of expression; every kind of feeling; he was dead inside. All he wanted to do was ride his bike and leave this place. He wasn't able to bare this sight... however, there he was.

The kiss was given and the promise of eternal love was sealed as the people walked out of the church waiting for the couple to exit the gates and enter the car that was waiting for them. 
Screams of joy, laughter were echoing in his ear as the roses' petals were thrown at the newly wedded couple. Sirius made a move to turn and leave but something held him behind; Remus stared at him and the smile was gone; Sirius lowered his head and allowed a few tears to stream as in his head memories of the two of them spending time together; laughing; arguing; studying and getting into trouble, filled his mind.  . Why was it that hard?

The moment passed and the couple was gone...his chance was long dead and he had to compromise with the new way of things. Yet still...he never got to find out what that letter was about...

Why?
Why after all those years of  a great friendship i feel like i am losing you? Why such an important decision of mine; one that i thought would actually make me happy, is killing me and is causing such pain? Pain worse than the Torture Curse? 

I still keep in mind now that i am writing these, the first day that i saw you. You were such a rebel even from such a young age. Such energy in you, i think that's the first think that impressed me; that and your way of making everything seem so much easy and fun even if they were to cause a great deal of trouble. But we were young as i said and trouble to us was something exciting like an adventure. But i will never forget one thing; That night you all discovered about my secret you stood up for me more than James and Peter; and i am not ashamed to say that it was you the one i wanted the most by my side and the one i  never wanted to follow me during those nights. But you always refused, didn't you? You would either pout or simply ignore me . Yes, i have to be honest; you knew the way how to make me angry but at the same time you made me feel an utter happiness that i never knew it existed...
 But i can't just stand there pretending we are kids, fifteen years old and just having fun. Life goes on,  and we must go on with it so we won't lose truck; so we won't stay behind with regrets. 

So, this is me now,  walking the way that life has showed me so i won't be left behind...And you have to do the same, my friend. You have to let  go of everything that is holding you  back to those years and search for what is meant for you. 

It is hard, but i believe in you, Pads. I believe that with that mind f yours and that heart you will be able to find a stronger purpose to make the first step ahead.  

I love you, Sirius Black

Remus John Lupin