Imperfect love

Chapter 9 - Our imperfect love

                           *natsu's pov*

I look out the window at the cherry blossom tree, it's branches dancing with the breeze as some of the petals falls off going with the wind. I look at gray as he nudges my shoulder lightly "hey...... Are you okay?" He asks "yeah I'm fine" I grumble looking back out the window. I need to consume my thoughts with something...... Just something..... "Hey have you started thinking about a college you wanna go to?" Gray whispers "no" I say "I've checked out this pretty great one called fairytail! I think you'd be interested in going there besides we might become roomies"
I click my tongue "like I'd want to be roommate with you" I say before the teacher starts barking at us to pay attention. Lucy haven't been in school which made me wonder if she'll ever show up again or if she has changed class...... Maybe she's avoiding me? The door opens and everyone's attention turns to meet a tired and messy figure, hair in a messy bun,knee socks uneven "I'm sorry for being late" she bows like the first time she came into the classroom. The teacher nods and gestures for her to sit down and I follow her with my eyes, her head low as she sits down by an empty bench in the front of the class. After about half an hour the class end and everyone moves out to the corridor, my locker wasn't far away from hers so my eyes follow her every move. I now get a peek at her face and see that she had bags under her eyes. Lack of sleep..... "Hey Lucy, why haven't you gotten some sleep? Jesus Christ you look like a mess" i was about to move a strain of hair out of her face but she flinches back "please..... Don't..... Touch me" she says "what's with you?" She takes a deep breath before looking at me showing that brilliant smile "it's nothing Dragneel, I'm fine" she says and I notice her voice cracking slightly. I admire her in the way that she can always force a wonderful smile even when she's on the edge of breaking down.

Was it all my fault? The rest of the day she acts normal around her friends. How could she act like this? I get more annoyed by the moments passing "woah dude you look like you are gonna kill someone!" Gray laughs lightly, scratching the back of his neck but I don't care about his words. I was always like this before she showed up, I'm going back to normal. It must be a good sign, right? I study her figure as she's with friends, how she smiles and laughs everything was fake. Or was I just jealous...? That she wasn't with me...? Of course I'm not! I ruffle my hair thinking it might clear away the thoughts "you are Natsu right?" I look up from my desk and look up at a girl. I know who she is, Mira Jane "yes" I say and she holds a note in her hand that she wants me to have "I was only asked to pass this message nothing else" she walks away and I look at the note for a few minutes before picking it up and unfolding it. It's no doubt this is Lucy's hand writing "meet me at the hill after school" it says and I crunch the piece of paper in my hand shoving it into my pocket. I shouldn't go, what did she have to say anyway...?

Somehow after school I ran out "why in such a hurry?" Gray stops my way and I push pass "i don't know really" I say making him chuckle deeply "that's one reason I guess" he says waving me off. I didn't understand myself why I was running but it was even weirder that she left a note instead of a text? Or a call? I stop half way up the hill seeing a figure on it. I walk up the last bit with a lump in my throat, nervous? Anxious? Anticipating? I can't describe what I was feeling at all. I reach the top, Lucy standing with her back facing me, her hair let down blowing in the breeze. "I was actually worried you wouldn't show up" she turns to face me with her hands behind her back with one of those smiles again that could make me annoyed but also happy. "It seems really important" I say. The distance between us was too large to my liking but I keep still, I notice a suitcase behind her and I push my eyebrows together confused. "I'm sorry for running away like that" she says looking out over the hill "did you mean everything you said that day?" I don't know if I want to know the answer. There was a silence, the breeze was the only thing that was heard "of course not, but now I know that those words will make it easier for you from now on" she says and my head was spinning with thoughts that I couldn't puzzle together "what do you mean?" She turns to look at me again "I really do love you Natsu I-" "JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" The words came rushing out of me from all these confusing feelings and thoughts "I love you Natsu, I've enjoyed everyday of what we had and I will always remember you thanks to your hair" her eyes goes glossy but she still keeps a smile "why did you call me here" the words come out harsh and cold "I wanted to see you, one last time" she says my breathing stops. This is how it always goes, my gaze turn to look down at the ground "that day when I came home, my dad told me that we are moving back to the U.S. His company needs him back there and that includes me coming along"

I bite down onto the inside of my cheek as those words leave her mouth.
"Natsu I want you to promise me something"
How can she still keep that tone in her voice?! How hasn't her voice cracked yet?! "Don't shut yourself in again, I know I'm leaving but you'll find someone else and the thought of that makes me happy. Someone will make you smile like I could do. Don't shut away your feelings, your heart and that smile. Never stop smiling like you did the first day I met you...... I'll always remember your smile" my eyes water as I turn my gaze up again seeing she was already crying but still, that smile was still there. "Don't forget about me either Natsu" Her voice cracking "You think I'd forget about you that easy" I chuckle lightly with tears running down my cheeks "you are such a brat" I say  and she wipes away her tears with the back of her hands "I'm so happy I get to see you smiling one last time"
I let my hand touch my cheek, I hadn't even realized I was smiling. She picks up her suitcase and start walking down the hill with her back turned towards me.

"I LOVE YOU" the words come out without my permission as the tears flow, my hands clenching into fists and my heart ache. "I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU LUCY!" I look up, her eyes looking at me wide before turning into a look of happiness. "I never thought I'd hear you say it sober, Natsu" the petals from the cherry blossoms goes through her hair with the breeze. "Thank you for everything Natsu, I'll cherish each moment, good and bad" she walks down the hill without hesitation. I fall down onto my knees digging my nails into the dirt seeing the tears falling onto the rough skin of my hand, this feeling, not again. I don't want to feel it. Another piece of me gone with her! Left with memorize. I'll never be able to touch her again! Feel her soft skin next to mine, her lips pressing against my own or her soft laugh. My heart feeling heavy but yet, so empty.

                                      -x-

I still expect her to walk through those doors in the morning to class, being late..... But she never did. That nightmare I always had before I met Lucy came back, but now it was the memory of my dad leaving me, my brother and then Lucy would show up at the end of it and that moment on the hill would replay each time in the dream. "Dragneel" I look up from my book and see one of the students sitting down back in their seat "do you have the presentation?" I take out the USB chip in my pocket and walk up to the teacher's desk and putting in the chip into the teacher's computer showing my presentation on the full screen "I chose this picture cuz' of the model's purity in it, never aware of the camera which showed the honest side of her, nothing fake" I start and take in a deep breath. The picture I chose was of Lucy, of course. One of the pictures she was never aware of me taking. The first one I took at my apartment when she was looking at my cd collection "it shows the interested in her eyes and body language I-" stopping I realize everyone looking shocked at me. Something wet falls onto my hands, tears? I smile, these feelings. I can't lock them in, my feelings for her was too big, I promise you Lucy I'll never lock them inside again....

Lucy I love you.
      Our imperfect love.