My brother is confusing (Ziam)

5. I love you

Chapter 5. Liam

Zayn ran into our room. He looked at me. "Zayn. What's wrong" I noticed the tears in his eyes. He pushed me against the wall by my bed. I waited for him to punch me. I closed my eyes and waited. Then I felt him smash him lips against mine. Did he really just kiss me? Is he really trying to kiss me? What did he just do? I just let him kiss me. I didn't know what to do. Zayn backed away from me. Still in kissing reach.. "Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME LIAM" Zayn kept repeating. I didn't know what to say. I saw tears running from his eyes. I hugged him. "Zayn.. It's gonna be alright" I didn't let go of Zayn. I slowly felt him latch onto me. It felt nice to have him in my arms. "Liam.. Tell me you love me" Zayn cried once last time. I let go of Zayn and shook my head. "Why not Liam?" "Your my brother!" "Maybe we can crash the wedding please Liam!" I don't know where Zayn is getting all of this! What happened to him! He goes to hating me and now he wants me! I want to know what happened to the bad boy Zayn.. "What happened?" "Nothing Liam. I just love you! And if you don't love me back I just freaking kissed you for nothing.." I have been having mixed feelings also. I know how he feels. But i'm not gonna let him cheat on his boyfriend and I won't cheat on mine.. Would I? I don't know anymore. "Say something!" What was I gonna say? Tell me I love him but he can't have me? Or that I just don't know. "What do you want me to say?" "Tell me you love me.. Just anything!" Maybe it wouldn't be too bad if I loved my brother. Maybe it will pass over.. Our parents will get married and we can't date anymore.. No.. I love him too much. NO I LOVE NIALL!.. No I love ZAYN! GRR! I don't know who I love anymore.. Every sense Zayn has came into my life I just hate him. But then I love him and want to fell for him. I just don't understand him half of the time. I can't just think forever.. I have to do something or he'll just walk away. I can't have that happen.. I don't know what to do anymore! GOD JUST TAKE ME AWAY ALREADY! Liam and Zayn. Zayn and Liam. Sounds perfect together.. Niall and Liam.. Liam and Niall.. Doesn't sound too perfect. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I don't know a lot of things right about now.. But I know that I have to do something. I looked up and Zayn was staring at me. "I love you Zayn" I finally said. And with that Zayn smashed his lips against mine again. This time I kissed back. It was wrong but felt so right at the time. Maybe he is the one I need to be with. Maybe he's not the one I need to be afraid of. Maybe I need to be afraid of myself. I know i'm gonna hurt Niall.. Which is gonna hurt me. I kissed my freaking brother! I am kissing my brother.. It's just all confusing. But I can't hide the feelings I have for Zayn any longer of i'm gonna loose it. If my mum finds out I kissed Zayn I don't want to know what she will say.. I'm gonna ruin her love life.. If I love Zayn and she loves Zayn's dad I don't know if me and Zayn will work. Why am I thinking of this?! I don't even know what I feel anymore. I then felt Zayn lick the bottom of my lip. Oh god.. I wanna take it that far but do I really? I keep questioning every move I do with Zayn. I let him win. His tongue slowly made it's way in my mouth. Our tongues glided together at some times. I felt the bottom of my stomach not. I don't know what's happening.. If I feel sick or something. I need air. I backed away from Zayn as far as I could. I panted from all the air I lost. Zayn was still looking at me. His brown eyes sparkling. He bit his lip while looking at me. What was he thinking about? I wanted to know.. His eyes looked full of hunger. Wasn't a kiss enough?.. I don't wanna kiss him again. Okay, maybe I do. His lips were like made for mine. They fit perfectly. What was I doing? I just need to breathe. That's all. It's not gonna happen again. But I want it to happen again.. Why do I want him so bad? Is it cause I feel bad for him being closed in or is it cause I just love him? I don't know that! How can I know if I love someone. Well I know when I love someone but how do I know I love Zayn? Why does he love me? He hates me! He said he always will and I thought he will keep that promise. But I guess Zayn can change. "Liam.." Zayn finally broke all the panting and said something. "Yes?" He looked like he was trying to find the world to say. "Uh- um.." But I just smashed my lips on his. I don't care. This is gonna happen, One Way or Another! Me and Zayn fell on my bed. "L-Liam what are we doing?" "Whatever you want" I smiled and pulled Zayn back on me by his shirt collar. Our lips went in sync. I started to slip his jacket off of him without breaking the kiss. Zayn stopped kissing me and backed away. "Zayn, what's wrong?" "I.. Never actually did it Li" Zayn sighed and put his face in his hands. "Neither have I, we can fine out together" I smiled and went behind Zayn. I slipped his jacket all the way off and tossed it on the floor. I kissed his neck. I nibbled on his neck and gave him a love bite. I slipped his shirt over his head and planted wet kisses on his back. I felt him shiver. But this is gonna happen.. I don't know why I want it to happen. Is it cause the way he touches me? I don't know and I'm I don't care. I backed away from Zayn to see if he would do anything. He turned around and threw my shirt off of me. I could see hunger in his eyes. It was beautiful. His eyes were powerful. He sat me in his lap and kissed my neck. Making tiny circles on my neck with his tongue. He was so careful. Like every touch would break me. I couldn't have him tease me anymore. I need him. I want him. I slowly got out of his lap. Still he had hungry in his eyes. I know what was gonna happen even before it happened. He crashed on top of me as my head hit on the pillow. Our lips moving in sync. My legs were wrapped around his waist. Our sweaty bodies stuck together. Zayn broke the kiss for air. I took that time to reach down and started to undo Zayn's pants. He looked down at my hands and looked like he was about to cry or throw up.. I didn't pay attention anyways. I simply used my feet to take Zayn's pants off. His eyes grew big at me. I didn't know what was wrong with him.. He made it clear that he wanted this to happen as much as I do. Zayn did the same to me but I had to help cause he was shaking too much. Brothers, in a bed, in our boxers.. Not odd at all. I smiled at Zayn who was still pretty much shaking. I pushed his hair behind his ears. "We don't have to" I whispered. "I want to.. Just I don't know what i'm doing" Zayn whispered back. "I love you and that's all that matters Zayn! Just tell me if you don't want to take it that far alright babe?" Zayn simply nodded and pecked my lips. I smiled, 'Good!" I pecked his tiny nose.

-*-

I woke up with Zayn's body pressed against mine. Naked with the alarm going off. "Zayn wake up babe" I shook Zayn. "Can we skip" Zayn muttered and tried to get his sweaty body off of me. "Fine. Only cause I look like this" I sighed and pulled my knees to my stomach. "You look beautiful like always" Zayn smiled and cuddled up next to me. "Zayn.. Can you tell me what happened in the passed with you?" "I rather not.." "Please" I pouted. "Liam.. I'm going back to bed" Zayn sighed. "Zayn! PLEASE!" "Fine" Zayn sighed and was getting ready to tell him story.. "Well-"