Over My Dead Body

VI. Consuming feelings

I stared at the box. It felt like I had been staring at this thing for ages, without progress. I hated it. I fucking hated it.

I turned it upside down, inside out, but the box didn't seem to have any clues, yet I couldn't give up hope. This thing was the only thing that could possibly have the answers I needed. Therefore, I didn't let go of it. I held on to it, because it represented the only hope I had left. The only hope of getting my revenge on this person.

Every time I thought about it, I got so mad! My anger took over my entire body. It consumed me. It was the only thing I was capable of feeling these past few months.

No clues, no last words from Connor that might tell me more about what had happened. No last 'I love you', no last thing to remember him by.

I looked down and realized I was digging my nails in my hands and there were little prints of my nails on the palm of my hands right now. I sighed and took the box, looked at it once more and decided I was through with this thing. I threw it at the wall opposite of my desk and watched it break as I realized what I'd done.

I'd destroyed the only thing that connected me to my boyfriend. That realization was all it took for me to break down myself. I looked at the shattered pieces of the box as tears started to make my vision blurry. I collected the tiny bit of strength I had left and pushed myself to my bed. Once I could lay myself down onto it, I crawled under my bed sheets and let my grief consume me before I drifted off to sleep.

I waited seconds, minutes and hours. But the 24 hours I waited turned into a day. My eyes were tired, but I couldn't sleep without Connor. I got worried, really worried. He had never been gone this long before. I feared the worst. He didn't make it. He died. He got taken away. All the possibilities for his delay crushed my mind. Not knowing what happened to him drove me insane. I didn't know how to handle this. What was I suppose to do? Should I go after him? Find out what happened? Or should I wait a little bit longer until he returned, if he'd return.

I was scared. I never had been this scared before. I felt like if I didn't do anything soon, I'd lose it, if I hadn't already. I grabbed my jacket and rushed to the front door. I think I've never run as fast as I did now. I knew where this deal would be made, so I knew exactly where I needed to go in order to find Connor.

Once I arrived at the dark alley, I stopped for a few seconds to catch my breath. I calmly inhaled and exhaled, or well I tried. My heart beat so fast I thought it was going to pop out of my chest. After one last exhale, I stepped into the alley.

The sight of the event that unraveled in front of me took my breath away. A guy in a black hoody was beating Connor in his face. Blood already flew from his nose down to his mouth.

"Stop!" I screamed before I could stop myself. I regretted shouting the second the guy's attention shifted from Connor to me.

I swallowed my fear. I couldn't let this guy know that I was afraid. I stept closer until I could look the guy straight in the eyes.

"That's my boyfriend you're beating up and I'd like to keep his pretty face," I said and I was proud of myself that I could manege to stedy my voice.

"Is it? And I'd like to get your pretty face, down there," he said and winked at me, pointing to the lower area of his body.

My face expression turned from cocky to disgusted. Who does he think he is?

"Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself, you pervert!" I slapped him in the face.

Once the possible consequences of my act stared to form in my head, I covered my mouth with my hand. The guy looked furious. He turned red and I swear I could see smoke coming out of his ears. He lifted his hand, ready to punch me. I froze, too intimidated to do anything. I just closed my eyes, preparing myself to the punch that never came. When I finally had collected enough courage, I opened my eyes, only to see Connor standing in front of me, protecting me against the guy.

Well the guy was already on the ground, groaning in pain, by the time that I opened my eyes. My eyes widened at the sight of Connor's face. He didn't hesitate and took my hand.

"We need to run," he'd barely said this or he started running, pulling me with him.

We both collapsed onto the bed as soon as we reached our apartment. I didn't waste any seconds, the moment my back touched my bed, I threw myself at Connor. I had been scared to death that I wouldn't see him anymore. That I wouldn't have gotten the chance to tell him that I loved him.

I crashed my lips onto his and I promised myself to never let him go again.

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So this deal wasn't the cause of Connor's death... what was...?

Stay tuned to find out!

Lots of Love,
Take-It-Or-Leave-It.