"Sensitivity"
Feb 4, 2012
At home
Computer using notepad
1:00 PM - 1:39 PM
Last year was the year when I felt a lot of sadness and loneliness. And I'm grateful about it. I became more sensitive. I can already tell most of the time if a person have a burden inside his/her heart. My comforting skills increased. I feel sad when I see people who are sad too. I want to cry beside them. If I would get the chance of having one kind of superior ability, it would be the ability to comfort people with any kind of problem, regardless how sad they are, then give them the right advice and words that would bring back their courage on their journey towards their dreams and success;with you guiding them of course. But I think it isn't possible. Still, I'm trying my best to be a very sensitive person. And how I wish all people were more sensitive. You know what? I don't know how to make her feel better whenever she's sad. I don't know what words should I say to her whenever her problems are striking her really hard. Sometimes, I don't know if she's just really fine or not, because she always say, "I'm okay" to me.
What's really hard of being a sensitive person is that, you are there when people need you--when they need someone whom they can talk to. But when the time comes, when you're the one who needs a comfort, no one comes for you.
"Down"
Feb 17, 2012
At home
Computer using notepad
About 8:00 AM - 8:13 AM
I am actually crying right now. Urgh! I can't stand off the pain. I've been dreaming about her all night long. Then as I woke up earlier, all I looked for is her. I've never felt this pain before. It's like, the world is against me. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I ask my self, "what kind of love is this? I thought this is just an infatuation that I'm experiencing right now because I'm still too young. But why am I doing everything just for her? Why do I cry whenever I experience pain because of her that it's not like me anymore? Why am I sacrificing things just for her? And why am I losing my pride just for her? That's not how infatuation works. Is this true love? I don't know....."
She's on a camp right now. I can't see her 'til tomorrow. I'm thinking of what to do when their camp is over. Yesterday, I was not able to see her. Today, I won't be seeing her. So it's a two-day-no-seeing-each-other moment. And it hurts a lot. I don't know why, but she's mad at me. I don't know... maybe I've done something really really bad. That is why, I kept on saying to her through phone, "sorry". I don't care if I haven't done something wrong. I don't care if I'll be the always one who's on the bottom. I don't care if I go through massive pains. What I only care about is she's fine, she's happy, and she's not mad at me. I don't care if she'll leave me. I don't care if she doesn't like me anymore. I don't care if I die... as long as it's all for her.
I really had no plan of writing something like this today. But if I haven't wrote this, I should have already ended up crying. So, writing things out here on what I truly feel helped a little bit. I felt a little better.
"Should I get tired?"
Feb 26, 2012
At my tita's Internet Cafe
Computer; Directly here on FB
08:17 PM - 08:34 PM
Everyday, I experience pains. I'm not saying that I'm complaining about it. What I'm saying is, just like other people do, should I get tired too? You know, the thought of killing yourself. I don't know. The truth is, I could still bear this pain. But, the problem is, her. The pain that she's gonna feel, is twice the pain that I'm gonna feel. I love her so badly, and it really hurts for me to see her feel pain. Geez... I have been always talking about problems, burdens, pains, and other negative stuffs this year.
