Life.

Rain

Listen to "Haunting" or "Drive" by Halsey when reading this story. Enjoy. :)

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The lighting strikes were visible as I sped through the lanes on the highway. Every crashing sound they made, echoed in my head. But along with the horrifying sound of lightning strikes, the thoughts of him flooded my mind. My eyes tried their best to focus on the road.

How stupid of me, I thought as I slowed my speed down a little.

I shook my head and could hear nothing but the sound of heavy rain hitting my windshield. It seemed as if the windshield wipers weren't working fast enough.

His face flashed before my eyes and I quickly shook it away immediately. 

Turning onto my exit, I drove fast around the sharp turn and finally straightened my wheel out. The stoplight ahead was just turning red. As I neared it, my speed decelerated. I sat there staring at the car in front of me; beyond frustrated.

Why won't he leave my head?

Images of his smile, his laugh, his slight grin.....they all swarmed my destroyed mind. I shook my head, keeping the tears from forming.

The light then turned green and I began to speed up again, changing into the right lane so that no one was in front of me. The rain was calming down and it was much easier to see.

My right hand fumbled forward and found the volume button. With a swift turn of my hand, I allowed the voice of Halsey to fill my entire car.

"All we do is think about the feelings that we hide....."

I bit my lip and gripped the steering wheel, keeping straight. More lyrics were thrown at me as I finally turned into my destination.

Parking the car abruptly, I let out a breath. A breath I didn't know I had been keeping in.

In that moment, I allowed the tears to form and to fill my eyes. My vision was blurry but when was it ever not? I shook my head, rested my elbows on the steering wheel and brought my hands to my eyes.

The tears I cried, for what seemed like decades, were the ones I had kept bottled inside of me. They were a true representation of the amount of hurt and sorrow that overcrowded my entire body for months.

Everything had changed, so quickly.

My other half; what I thought was my other half, was no longer there. Physically yes, but mentally; no. What made him change his mind? I don't know. What made him become so distant? I don't know that, either.

Although he had laid beside me every night, his back stayed turned away from me. Although he had smiled at me, his eyes remained emotionless. Although his words had been there, they no longer had meaning behind them. Although he had kissed me, his eyes never closed. Instead, they stayed opened.

His eyes had stayed open.

But, I had kept mine closed.

My eyes stayed closed. Do you know why? Because, deep down, even though I knew the truth, my heart wanted to keep our love alive.

My heart begged me to keep my eyes closed; as if not looking into his emotionless eyes would stop time and make him love me again.

The journal sitting on our nightstand at home right this second; it has my heart and soul poured into it. All over the pages; scribbled thoughts. Fragments. Emotions.

My sadness, my anger, my non-existent happiness. It's all within the thousands of lines that are printed throughout that journal.

I can no longer stand the thought of him not loving me anymore. But yet, every second of every day, the thought clouds my mind. Wanna know why? Because once you figure out someone you've never stopped loving, has stopped loving you; it never leaves your head.