Almost A Diary

You're love and hate

I just realised that you're gonna be the type of boy I'll warn my daughter about because my mom never did and maybe that was the problem.
When I was young no one told me that someone was gonna cut my heart open and make me feel like hell, no one told me about how in love you can be with such small details , how you can fall in love with someone's flaws but no one but actually no one told me about love but you know what? I think I found the meaning of it , no one told me about it or did I saw someone talk about it on TV, I just remember looking into your eyes for the first time and feeling like I just saw the most beautiful human on earth and that I had fucking paradise in front of me.
You're love and hate , because you taught me how you can love someone so much you would kill for them but you also taught me that you can hurt someone so much that hate will rush through their veins when they think of you.
You changed me , you really did , you opened my eyes and made me see things how they really are.
I'm not saying I have trust issues because of you but you sure taught me how to be more cautious and not let anyone deceive me , you taught me that love isn't all about hearts and flowers even though I knew it before but I think the hard way , your way was the only one that marked me for sure.
Someday when my daughter asks me what love is I wont talk about sharing things or having someone buying you gifts all time or even explain how good they can make you feel with just one hug...
I'll tell her how lost I got into your eyes , how I couldn't get mad at you , the way you talked about important things , your huge love for football , the way you looked so shy but deep down you had someone really interesting hided inside of you , the way I thought your taste in music was fucking crazy but I loved it because it made you different , the way you held me and most of all the way you made my heart melt and my insides twist because you and only you had the power to make me feel the happiest girl on earth and maybe just maybe she'll understand more clearly what love is.
I've told you before how beautiful you are but I think you didn't understand it how I wanted you to , when I tell you you're beautiful I'm not just talking about how hot your beard looks on you or how cute your dimples are , I'm also talking about how you say this and that but you love to help people and how I'm this really hard and mean girl but you can bring out the nicest and beautiful part of me in one second .
You're just so unbelievably beautiful , I wish you saw yourself the way I see you.
But I won't ever forget to tell her I was in love with someone who broke my heart so much I didn't felt nothing at all but that I was also in love with a boy who made my heart melt with sweets words and my knees tremble with his touch.