Arianna's Daughter

Chapter 9

The next week passed in a blur and whirlwind of activity surrounding the plans and preparations for Brianna's Sweet Sixteen birthday party. Arianna saw very little of Jason during that time, but she did know that he and Brianna had talked on the phone almost every day. Arianna kept hoping that Jason would stop by, but he kept his distance. At first, she was angry that she hadn't seen him since the night they shared together, but she admitted to herself that he probably stayed away because of the way she reacted after their lovemaking. But every time the phone rung, she secretly hoped that it would be Jason on the other end professing his undying love to her. When he did phone, if she answered, he only spoke with her long enough to say a polite but brief hello, or make an offhanded attempt to inquire about her day or her health, and then almost immediately request to speak with Brianna. After about two days, she stopped answering the phone altogether for fear that it would be him on the other end and yet they would have the same stilted, strained conversations that they had the previous days.

Arianna heard from Anthony quite a bit during the week also. Long before Jason had walked back into their lives, Arianna had invited Tony to Brianna's birthday party in a half-hearted attempt to make a go of their awkward relationship. She knew that he was beginning to grow impatient waiting for a response to his proposal. Now just a day before the party, Arianna wondered if she acted in haste inviting him. She didn't want to hurt Anthony; he had been a really good friend to her when she needed one badly. But she knew that it wasn't fair to continue to string him along and allow him to hope for something that she just didn't think was possible. Anthony deserved someone that could love him wholeheartedly and without doubts and reservations and that was not Arianna. She only loved one man and she probably always would. With all the plans for Brianna's party finally complete, Arianna retired to her room wondering how she had made such a mess of her life, and the lives of the people she loved. It had been a week since she had been with Jason and lying in her bed all she could think of was being in his arms and letting him have his way with her. Tears filled her eyes and Arianna softly cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, Arianna awoke to the sounds of loud voices in her living room. She looked over at the clock on the nightstand. 11:00 a.m. Her head was pounding, as if she had been crying all night. And she had. After she thought about the mess she had created for herself, she cried herself to sleep. She stumbled out of bed and went into the bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror in horror. Her face and eyes were swollen from a night of crying. She turned the cold water on and let it run. She took a washcloth from the closet and held it under the cool water. She put it on her face and held it there, hoping to reduce the swelling around her eyes. She did this twice more, and most of the swelling went down. She brushed her teeth and went to see who was in her house talking so loudly.

When she emerged from her bedroom and walked down the hall to the living room, Arianna found her mother and father, along with Theresa, her three girls, and Brianna. They were laughing a talking and didn't notice her come in. As she stood and watched her family enjoying this day, Brianna's birthday, she felt as if it were bitter sweet. Something, or rather someone, was missing. Jason. It could be so easy to try and imagine him here with her and Brianna and the rest of her family. That's all she ever dreamed about when they were together so long ago. But how could she be sure that he could fully open his heart to her. She never really doubted that he loved her then. But he kept parts of his life private and didn't share them with her and she wanted more. She wanted all of him or none of him. She couldn't settle for anything less than that. But try though she might, she could not drive the memory of the pain in his eyes and voice when she refused to marry him. Before she gave in to the tears that were threatening to start all over again, she joined her family. Brianna was the first one to notice her come in the room.