All Of Me

Chapter One: Never Been Kissed

As I grew up I began to realize how emotionally distant my mother was and it became apparent to my siblings as well. My father had tried to protect us from that (bless his heart.) Because I missed that love that I didn't receive from her, I tried to look for it in other places: books, TV shows, movies, and guys. The last part didn't turn out so well, mostly because of my trust issues.

I never got far with guys. I got as far as hand holding before I ran and got scared. They either turned out to be jerks, idiots, or I couldn't see myself with them. So now, here I am: a twenty year old girl who looks like she's twelve and who's never been kissed. I've got self-esteem issues, social anxiety, and the uncertainty of what to do with my life. I also had body issues, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin at times. My most self-harming thought: who would possibly want me? Who would want an over weight person such as myself? Then he came along and turned my life around.

It was my dad who got me interested in the show: Impractical Jokers. It made me smile and laugh until I cried. It made me feel better about myself, they made me feel better about myself. They made me feel like I could be myself. Then, one day, I started to see Sal in a different light. He was just so funny and adorable. I can totally understand his aversion to germs and let's face it, I don't like germs either. I just kind of understood him. I spent months pining over him and wishing that I could meet the guys. It wasn't until after my 20th birthday that I got my wish. . . .