He's not mine...

Chapter 1- My mother

Chapter 1

I don’t really remember much about the first three weeks of the summer my mum passed away. I and Jessie hadn’t really spoken about the memories with our mother since the funeral. There was only my father (who we hardly speak to,) Ryan (my older brother,) Jessie, I and my mother’s mother (my gran) at the funeral. My mother was very different to any other mothers, she loved to party and would come home early hours in the morning on the weekends, waking up to hangovers. She worked all hours in the week until she became ill. Even then, she didn’t want people worrying about her. Although, she wore short-cut dresses showing most of her cleavage, she was our mother. She was the kind of mother that would try to dress me up all girly, giving me her dresses, advising me to pad my bras and yeah... You get the rest... But that wasn’t me... I was the complete opposite... I liked to share my twin brother’s clothes. I liked to dress like a boy. My mum hated my sexuality and the way I reacted towards boys, but I didn’t want to change...

Today was the first day for the past two months that I went out with the ‘crew.’ When I say ‘crew,’ I don’t mean a group of trouble- causers, I just mean, a group of us who have grown up with each other since nursery. My older brother was also gay, but he hung around more with his boyfriend. It kinda sounds weird saying that my brother’s got a boyfriend ‘because even when my mum was alive, she accepted it. Why didn’t she accept me being with Robin? Robin was taller than me, she was really pretty. Her skin was pale- (a lot lighter than mine- I looked quite tanned compared to her.) I take after my mum for that, so did my brothers. BUT I was the only one that had ginger hair; my brothers both had bleach blonde hair like my mum. Maybe, I was the ginger generation in my family? Anyway, back onto the subject of my girlfriend... She has dark brown hair and dark, brown eyes. She has a side fringe (I have a full-fringe and naturally straight hair, but her hair was always so much nicer than mine!) Either way, we’ve been together for a year and a half and we love each other...

‘I’m going to make an effort today,’ I thought to myself, glazing into the mirror that reflected the image of me back. The sun was blaring into my bedroom, whilst I carried on looking at myself.

“Why couldn’t I just be normal?” I asked myself out loud, but silence replied.

“What time you off out?” Ryan (my older brother) asked me.

“In an hour,” I replied.

“You look gorgeous everyday!” He said to me. He came up behind me, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. Ryan was hunky, but cared about nothing more than his protein shakes.

“Thanks,” I smiled. The only thing I actually liked about myself was my teeth. I had bleach white, straight teeth. So did my brothers. If I was a guy, I would be almost identical to Jessie. I already was apart from he had boys parts and I obviously had girls parts (that I didn’t want!)

“Send my love to Casper,” he winked. Ryan was so obsessed with Casper. Casper was my bestest friend! He was dark, handsome and my height. He had hazel brown eyes, a fringe, but his hair was short at the back and sides. His hair was light brown and was kinda cute, but he wasn’t my type. He was a singleton, but VERY shy.

My phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered. It was Casper...

“Hey Teddie... You still coming out today?” The voice asked.

“Yes I am,” I replied.

“Don’t think about your mum today... Just have a laugh, okay?” He told me.

“But-”

“No buts,” he interrupted. “I’ll be at yours soon.” With that he put the phone down. Was there ever a time that I could actually speak for myself? I rubbed in a slight bit of foundation, brushed my blusher on and finished off with drawing my eyebrows on. I hated wearing mascara and eyeliner on my eyes- it’s SO irritating! I left my naturally straight hair down and quickly combed my fringe. I snuck into Jessie’s room, pulled out his skin-tight jeans, a skin-tight vest and his denim jacket. I put my own vans on, and then walked down the stairs. Casper was already at the door, so I let him in.

“So, how are you?” He asked out of concern. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I felt his toned body against mine. I was so flat-chested and was starting to lose my six pack. Yes, I hang out A LOT at the gym and an awful lot with Casper and Ryan. “I’ve missed you sooo much!” He squeezed me tighter.

“Okay Casper, less of the squeezing!” I said, he released slightly, but still held onto me. “I’m feeling a little better...” I answered. After eating the total wrong things- not things that I should be eating, I felt slightly fatter.

“What’s happened to all of this?” He asked me, prodding his fingers against my half-a-six-pack.

“Casp... Leave that out of it!” I said.

“You’re coming to the gym tomorrow morning with me!” He told me. “Nine sharp.” Like I said, I don’t get the chance to speak for myself...

“Fine...” I accepted. There really wasn’t any point in arguing with him. He wouldn’t listen anyway.

I and Casper walked down the main streets of the village, until we reached the bus stop.

“Don’t you just love swimming?” He asked me. I stopped looking down at the floor to look up at him.

“Nope,” I said bluntly.

“Don’t be like this Teddie,” he said. He looked at me... I’m sure he was looking at me... It felt like his eyes were focused on me... He stepped closer to me, and then reassured me everything was okay. I just avoided him. I even avoided him on the bus. I stared into the thin air. I could almost imagine my mum being on the bus with me, apart from, she would have her hair scrunched into a messy bun on the top of her head, a low-cut dress, black shades and her bright pink swimming bag. She very RARELY ever went swimming with me. She was always too busy at work or glamming herself up for her weekend ‘banter.’ God knows why my mother was so different to me! Maybe because she wasn’t gay?