Olivia Benson's Secret Weapon

Part 5- Guilty or Innocent?

"I didn't do anything." She said to Tucker as she looked at him. Both boys raised an eyebrow. No one understood. "No one said you did Liv, it's okay." She shook her head, but said nothing, she leaned back in her chair and sighed. "No one is blaming anyone here, we just want to get the story." Tucker said as he asked them to sit. They did, even though Liv did uncomfortably. Tucker pulled out a notepad and a pen, then said, "All right, just start at the beginning and tell me everything. We really do want to clear you with anything having to do with Lewis's death, so just relax, and start from the beginning." The pen clicked, then she began.

They went through the whole story, every part of it, picking at it piece by piece. It was a long, and tiring process. Picking through her story piece by piece, almost like vultures picking at her bones, trying to find any scrap of meat that's left. She started to fell sick by the end. Wondering when the agony was going to end. By the time Tucker was through, Liv thought she had no more secrets, like she was standing in public naked, exposed to the world. "Okay, I think that just about does it, if we have anymore questions we'll be sure to give you a call, but in a few days we'll clear you, and you two can get back to life as you were before." Liv and El busted looked at each other and nodded silently. Life as before? Was he serious? Olivia thought as Elliott drove back to the apartment. Nothing is ever going to be the same, how can he think everything would just...what? Go back to the way it was? What, did he think this was like a video game? You can just hit the reset button after you get bored or it gets to hard? How were they expected to work their way backwards when they fought so hard to move forwards?

"Are you okay? I know Tucker was being insensitive back their... I thought about hitting him, but I didn't think it would go very well." I laughed a little and looked at him. He smiled back at me. I sighed for a long time. All she did was look out the window. "How is anything supposed to be normal anymore?" Their was no answer. Their was never any answer. It was raining outside. The cool water bouncing on everything and anything. It cooled the air down, where it was still to warm for anything more then tee shirts and shorts, but cold enough that you could feel the wind cooling off around you. The sky was dark, not dark enough to make it impossible to see. Dark enough however, to make the day seem hopeless. "What did you ask?" Olivia said turning to him, she heard a whisper, "I asked if you wanted to swing by the office and talk to the Captain." He asked smiling. She laughed quietly. "Sure, sounds like a good idea."

They drove in silence the rest of the way there. Elliott was excited to tell the guys the great news, but Olivia wasn't so sure. She continuously thought about what tucker had said, about life returning to normal. Even after all that, she still didn't understand. Maybe this is what happens to normal people, maybe their lives can just go back into a happy routine, like nothing ever happened. Almost like hitting the reset button on a video game. Could it really be that simple? She sighed loudly as she turned her head to look out the window. "Scared?" El asked without looking at her, she perked up, how did he know? "A little bit. But mostly mad, I'm tired of being scared of every little thing." He rubbed her shoulders as he pulled into the driveway. "I know, but it's just a little while longer." He grabbed her hand and squeezed.

She still wasn't convinced. How could things be okay? How could things just...go back? She's changed. Right? But change is...good, change is why everything happens. Right? Either way, backwards or forwards, it was going to be one long, hard road... However, was it so hard to conceive? The idea wasn't completely out of reach, was it? The idea of being back to work, and everything returning to the way it's supposed to be. Was that idea so, wrong? So unbelievable? Maybe not, maybe all that had to happen was for her, to take a step, just one and see that the world was not going to crumble beneath her as if the world was suffering from an earth quake. Maybe the wreckage wasn't as bad as she thought it was, maybe she can put herself back together again. Just like that.

They got their and walked into the squad room, as if they would be doing it for the rest of their lives. "Hey liv! Your back!" Fin said, as he got up from his desk to hug her, Liv laughed. "That's the hope Fin, I just hope the Captain feels the same way." Just as the words left her mouth, Cragen stepped out of his office. "Well, look who it is!" He says as he walks up to her.

"Captain!" She said as she wrapped her hands around his neck. "I was hoping to talk, is your office open for a chat?" He smiled at me in response and laughed a little. It has been a while since he has seen his "daughter". They walked into his office, as she sat he went around the desk. "So, Whats up?" She sighed, "I'm glad you asked, I wanted to tell you that I'm ready, to come back to work." He looked at her, surprised at the words coming out of her, go back to work? That's quiet a step, and everyone knows it. "If you are sure, we would be glad to have you back." He smiled, glad to have the best back in his pocket. "I am, it's time, I think, time for things to go back to normal."She smiled, and stood. He stood as well, shaking her hand and smiling. "Welcome back detective Benson."