Personal Thoughts

One (typed with voice command so please excuse the typos)

Hurt. That's how I feel. Hurt and confused and sad and lonely. Why? it's because he is just so on and off again and hot and cold and when he'll be talking to me constantly and then the next day I don't even exist. he knows I like him, I admitted it to him last year. over the summer he is so confusing, I saw him twice over the summer. he was flirting with me twice and he had a friend act like a wingman and then another time he ignored me. Then when school started he just completely ignored me completely except for looking at me occasionally. Now that I'm next to them in a class we talk a lot but one day he'll be talking to me constantly the whole class. And making jokes and then the next day Im lucky to even get a hi from him. I don't understand why is he so on again and off-again and hot and cold and why can't he just make up his mind and decide what he wants from me?? If he want friendship I'll give him that but what I really want is a relationship he knows I like him but he never answered me and honestly it still hurts. I  wonder if I'm not worth an answer. if I'm worthless to him. Maybe I am worthless to him, I don't know. I just know that I think I'm falling in love with him. But I feel like an awful person, he has a girlfriend and I love him and its unrequited and he fucks with my heart everyday. One day he acts like he cares about me and we make jokes and talk and it's great and the next day he hardly even looks at me. What did I do wrong? He's the reason for some of the cuts and scars on my body, he's the reason I broke down at lunch crying two months ago. He's hurt me so bad and all I want is to move on from him but I can't. I fucking can't let go.