Lost Within

Couragous

I approached my closet, and found a light blue dress containing off-white lace and trimming. After throwing my many layers of clothing, I walked down the corridor to the bathroom.

My face was a deathly white with bags under my blue eyes. I looked past that, and began combing through tangled, curly, brown hair. My appetite has been very low for a fifteen year old, so my dress from when I was twelve fit like a glove. As I continued to look in the mirror, I began to sob. Nothing was how it should be. This was all wrong.

Cato and I was supposed to travel to America and visit our family, but instead I got deathly sick. I slept all day, and laid awake restless all night. I insisted on Cato going without me once I got somewhat better, but he would not leave my side for a second. Once I got where I was able to sit up by myself, Cato finally got some sleep. After everything we went through, the trip became forgotten.

After my mental breakdown, I walked back to my room and found my gold, heart-shaped necklace my mother gave to me before she died. I began to seal it around my neck when Cato walked in with joy.

"Cata! I have great news," he said with excitement, "Jacob Buchanan agreed to have dinner with us Friday night, and he said he is going to bring his family! Do you know what this means? If Jacob and his family are pleased, he might agree to take your hand in marriage, which will get our fortunes back!" I stood there flabbergasted. I could not believe what I was hearing. My own brother was trying to give me away. I didn't know how to react. I'm not ready to get married.

"Cata? Aren't you excited?" Cato asked looking at me like I was a complete idiot. I didn't know what to say. No I wasn't excited! How could I be?

I ran out of the room without a word. I could here Cato behind me, but I continued to run. Immediately, I ran up the spiral staircase up to my get-away spot. It was an old dudgeon from when the castle was constructed, it was the highest part of the castle and it looked over the entire wood and fields. There was only one, small bay window, but I make it work.

I reached the top of the staircase at the small, round door and quickly opened it. I ran inside and locked the door behind me. Cato was beating at the door, demanding to let him in, but I couldn't face him. Not like this. I didn't want to disappoint him and not get married, but how could I. I'm only fifteen, which isn't unreasonable for this time, but unreasonable for me.

Especially Jacob. Out of all the people in the world, why him? After what happened between us years ago, I don't know how I'm going to face him again. Eventually I will have to tell Cato the truth about what happened and why I can't go through with it, but not now. Not ever if I'm lucky. And by lucky, I mean die before the dinner.

As I listened to Cato begging for understanding and for me to come out, I began to feel guilty. Guilty of what I have put him through, and putting him though. Guilty for lying and deceiving him. Guilty for everything.

I carefully unlatched the door and peered out to find him leaning against the wall, looking down. He heard the loud squeal come from the door and looked up, making eye contact with me. I could feel him staring through me and I felt very uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," he said and had more but I did not let him finish.

"No, I'm sorry. I should not have reacted that way. I know you are trying to do what you think is best for me and the family, but I can not marry Jacob Buchanan. Our past was rough, but that will remain unspoken, and I can not proceed with this," I explained. He stared at me clueless, but then a smirk appeared upon his face, this worried me.

"Okay," he said calm, cool, and collective. I stared at him and was wondering how he took it so well.

"Okay? Okay? I opened up my heart to you, and all you can say is okay? I know there is more because of that nasty smile, but it still makes me mad," I complained.

"Yep. You don't have to marry him, but you still have to have dinner. That is nonnegotiable. And don't bother arguing. Cata, I love you so very much. I would do anything for you and to make sure you are safe, even make you miserable. The Buchanans have wealth and a high title, and what we need now is popularity, especially after what Pa did. I'm sorry, but this is important to our family name and safety," Cato explained.

I still was in denial, but was not going to argue. He was right. Our father did not uphold the family name, and a lot of people were not on our side. Dinner was not going to be a walk in the park, but at least for now I have a say in marriage. I must face Jacob for the first time in years, and discuss marriage possibly.