I'll see you in my dreams (s.m) [ Slow Updates! ]

Chapter 1

Every night I fall asleep, he appears in my dreams. It's the same dream all over again, but everyday I find myself craving it more. I walk closer to a tall dark silhouette but his features are not as clear at first, I am just able to look at his lean figure. But then suddenly his features come to life and I'm able to gaze into his warm brown eyes as he holds me close. I brush my thumb under his scar on his cheek thinking of how insecure he is about it but it has always been my favorite thing about him. The way he had something different, something that made him stand out from others. He would then smile as he moved his hand from my waist and held my wrist. His smile was another one of my favorite things about him, his smile always brightened up my day. I then would bury my face in his chest and inhale his familiar scent that made me feel safe in his arms. And he would hold me against his chest and never let me go.

But what I don't understand is how I don't know this mysterious person that only appears in my dreams. I do have the urge of finding him and wanting to get to know him but how can I if I don't even know where to start? Am I supposed to find him or will he find me? Another person with this kind of problem would just ignore it and push it away but how can I if I feel this huge longing for him, as if when I finally find him, all my worries will wash away and everything will be okay? Or I'm probably just being delusional. But he seems so real like I could just reach out and feel the warmth of his body. I honestly do not know but all I know is that I need him.

/ / / / /

I pushed a piece of my wavy hair back as I walked down the street. The chilly autumn breeze made it flutter back into my face but I didn't place it back behind my ear this time. I clung on tight to my backpack as I traveled down the sidewalk. I passed by the familiar bush of flowers that used to be so bright and colorful but the cold has been slowly draining out their color. I finally approached my home, my empty home. I walked in and set my things down. 

I lived with my mom but she's never home. She would spend the day with a guy, making them spend their money on her and at night she would spend the night wasted at a club or in a different man's bed. At first she would spend more time with me and sneak out to meet the guy's. She thought I didn't notice until one day she started disappearing and leaving me alone.

I've gotten used to it but it does leave a fragile part of me feeling afraid of being alone but I just push it away. Somehow once every two weeks she comes home and leaves an envelope with a stack of money stashed inside it. It's the money she leaves me so I can maintain myself. I never question her how she got the money because I know she doesn't get it by working. 

She has been like this since my dad died. He died in a car crash and my mom has been torn since he died. I feel the same way but I've learned how to hide it instead of taking care of it the way my mom does. I usually would break down at anytime but I've been really occupied with a certain problem. 

 But I don't really think of it as a problem, it's more like a dream and I can't seem to figure it out. 

All I know is that somehow, whenever I think of him all is right. My emotions aren't as messed up as they always are and somehow he is keeping me stable. He, the one who appears in my dreams. I haven't had a different dream of him, it's always the same one but I keep finding more and more new details and features in the same dream. Who knows if he isn't a real living person, or if he is a real living person and doesn't know a single clue about me, he is the only one who can make me feel like I'm finally not alone anymore, I have someone else who is counting on me and I like knowing that. 

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New story! I actually feel like I am going to enjoy writing this story because I really really really like how it all will go and stuff and so I just really like this. If you have read my other book, Unexpected Love, you can tell that I am making the chapters shorter in this book because in that other book, everything is all messed up and I probably have everyone confused with it and stuff. But this book will be a little more organized because it's my second book and that other book was my first one and I had no clue of what I was doing in the beginning chapters.

But yeah! You are still stuck with me, because I am still not letting you go, I am starting a new book, new shawn book as I recall, because who doesn't like this adorable cutie, and you love me too :)

^ that kinda sounded like a poem woah. 

tumblr at heart.

- natalie