Chapter 1 - the beggining

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       Everyone has a story their willing to share in life whether it's the past or the present or what they expect from their future . There is always a story ... I watch the cursor blink on my laptop screen.

"I can't do this" I say and delete the words that have been roaming around in my head for 9 yrs. Who's idea was it to go to therapy .. Okay it was mine but why do they want me to write about my past, I've told them on multiple occasions I don't like thinking about anything from my past. It doesn't need to be written , nor does it deserve to be talked about.

rolling my eyes I shut the laptop screen and Stare out at the ocean. Why can't life just be as simple as it is in this moment. Tears well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall .. So I start to sing.
" she just wanted to feel something , now she sits here on that bed thinking about what those girls said tears stream from her eyes she cried . If there's a God out there please here my prayer I'm lost and I'm scared , and I've got nowhere else to run . I've come a long long way and I don't know if I can make it much farther , so if your listening , can you lend a helping hand to your daughter."

I look over to the clock on the wall to see the time 2:34 am . The wind blows a cool breeze over me making me shiver. I don't wanna go inside and sleep alone but then again I don't want to freeze to death on the balcony. Decisions. decisions. Sighing I pick up my laptop and go back into my bedroom.
Walking over to the walk in closet I pick out leggings , a loose white shirt , and a grey cardigan. As I'm getting dressed my phone starts to sing "wherever you will go " the special ring tone for my husband . I run out of the closet into the dark room "ow shit!" I say when I run into a hard object falling on my ass.

The room falls silent meaning I missed his call. My mood darkens momentarily as I reach for the phone and see his gorgeous face on the screen . Oh do I miss him . Sighing I get up off the floor and shoot him a text

Irys- hmm.. So i actually get to hear from you today .

I pour as much attitude as I can into the text . I haven't heard from cruise all day and now he picks 3 am to call me . Bullshit! I put up with a lot of things including his job , but being ignored by him isn't anything I'm willing to put up with anytime soon .

The room is still dark except from the moonlight shining through the curtains of the balcony doors . Grabbing my keys and purse I rush out of the room, leaving my phone to give him a taste of his own medicine .

Now the only thing I have to get past is security I think . When I remodeled this house i found out there was a secret door that led to the ocean, so It permanently has become my secret passage way until my husband understands that I'm a big girl and that I can take care of myself .

The house is very gorgeous , very modern but homey at the same time . I slowly make my way down the hallway that leads to the door . Our wedding pictures line the wall , I can't believe I was so lucky to marry the stubborn , overprotective, and loving man . I smile to myself and quickly erase the thought because I'm suppose to be mad or annoyed or both . I jog through the hallway until I reach a blank wall , the best thing about the passage way is that it's hidden .

I put my hands in the center of wall and push until I hear a click making the door bounce open . Quickly looking around to make sure I didn't alert the guards or staff , I step into the passage way fully sealing the door before running down the the slick hallway.

It's smells like salt once you reach the end which alerts you that your close to the ocean. I open the door and smile at the gorgeous site in front of me white sand and the beautiful open sea . I close my eyes and listen to the sound of the waves , such a calming sound these are the times that I like to pretend life is just as simple as it is in this moment.

Opening my eyes I take off my flats and store them in my purse and I start to walk. The water is warm but the sand is cold but it's a nice combination against my feet, the first time I walked alone on this beach was when my nightmares started there the same every single night .

When I got married I always thought he wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore but he haunts me in my dreams. When cruise is a asleep beside me I never have nightmares but when he is away they come back . Every. Single. Time.

I'm surprised cruise doesn't know about my dreams , when it comes to cruise I have a weakness of keeping secrets. Marley has a theory that it's his emerald green eyes , and I agree with her . His eyes could make any woman spill there secrets , they're bright , caring and accepting. I fell in love with his eyes the first time I met him , soon after I fell in love with the man and the secrets behind them.

I look up and see that the sun is starting to rise which means that I've Been out here for hours , I turn around and start to walk home . Hoping to either get some rest or to make some progress on my writing assignment . If only I knew what would happen when I returned home.

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