Chosen Specialty

Chapter 10- defeating misery

Hey guys sorry for being gone for so long .. It's my senior year and I've been so busy .. But here is chapter 10 .. The song above reminds me of this chapter ...

Drip . Drip . Drip . Listening to the sound of the baths faucet drip into the steamy warm water. Last night was one of the worst night so far nightmare after nightmare , they won't stop. Cruise won't even look at me since I told him I might be pregnant , not one touch , kiss , or word. I feel empty without my stupid husband present , I understand work is hard right now but I need him . I need him to hold me and tell me if I was pregnant it would be okay. I'm so scared at the thought of even being a mother , cause I know I'd be a bad one .

Poisonous thoughts continue to flow through my head as a i sit and stare out at the ocean. I know my mom was a good mom she was always there , but Then she got married and I know she hated me . Another mans child is never accepted into her marriage , I was the pest she couldn't wait to get rid of.

I don't want to be anything like her , I don't want to be a mom at all. I can't be a mom who would want a fucked up person as a mom. A person who can't get a decent nights sleep without her husband beside her. I'm not strong enough to be a mom and I don't think I ever will be.

Putting my head into my hands and of course the waterworks begin. What if cruise doesn't want me anymore because I might be pregnant. He doesn't want to deal with his fat , emotional , dumb wife. So many negative thoughts in my head , so many regrets in my heart , but yet I'm still here fighting for a life that isn't worth saving.

Leaning back in the tub I slowly start sink under the water , hoping that the water will cleanse me. Water surrounds me As I lay at the bottom of the tub , closing my eyes I give in to the purity of the water.

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cruises point of view:

The days have seem to pass by rather quickly ever since that day in my office, and day by day me and irys grow farther and farther apart. My heart wilts at the thought of not being close to the woman I love, but every time I look at her I imagine what our children would look like. Smiling to myself I imagine what my baby girl would look like hopefully like her mother with big beautiful blue eyes and long brown curly hair. Then I imagine kicking every guys ass that would ever dare come near her. I don't even want to know how my son would act considering my childhood.

     Laughing to myself I decide finally that if we have a baby it wouldn't matter because he or she would be loved and safe no matter what. Rising from my desk I grab my phone and dial a friend. A soft voice comes on the phone "hello?" The voice says to me. "Ma! I need your help irys might be pregnan-" the squealing from the other side of the phone pierces my ears making me wince. "OMG! How can I help baby" my mom practically screams. "I need you to make an appointment with a ummmm vagina Doctor" I say stuttering the last part. " of course I'll book you an appointment ASAP! Omg theo we are gonna have grand babies" laughing at my mother I quickly thank her and proceed to walk to the bedroom in hopes to find my love.

     I walk in the bedroom to hear nothing but silence. Looking around the room I see clothes laid on the bed, but everything is silent. Rushing to the bathroom i burst through the doors and find irys lifeless in the tub "IRYS!" . Running over to the bathtub i jump in and grab her out of the tub holding her wet naked body against mine. As soon as I hold her against my chest she begins to cough and Gasp desperately for air "baby it's okay I'm here I'm here baby girl I'm here.. Your both gonna be okay" I chant over and over again slowly rocking her back n forth.

   "Cruise" her angelic voice calls and I look down into her crystal eyes mentally begging her to be okay and for the baby to be okay. "Shhh baby" she puts her face in my neck and squeezes tight "I love you" I hear her whisper and then I put my chin on the top of her head and thank god for the little things.

Hey guyssss... It's been so long since I've posted so here you go I haven't had the chance to edit yet but I will soon hopefully you enjoy love you guys!