Demons ; Michael Clifford

Chapter 11

**Michael ' s pov**

Today's the day of my appointment at the cousellers. If I'm being honest I don't want to go, I really don't but I need to do it for Katie.

I park the car and get out. I stand there in front of the building just looking at it. I took a deep breath and walked in.

I was sat on a sofa with the counsellor across from me on an armchair. She had a notebook on her lap and a pen in her left hand.

"So Michael how are you feeling today?"

"How am I feeling? Well let me see, I feel as if I could down a bottle of vodka and maybe a bottle of whisky on top of that. I'm feeling as if I am going to be a crappy dad and I feel as if I could be doing something better than just being sat on a couch talking to a woman I don't know." I looked at her dead in the eye waiting for her to say something.

"I understand" she says scribbling in her notepad.

"Do you? Do you understand what it's like to feel empty inside, what it feels like to feel invisible, to feel numb and that the only thing that might give you a bit of feeling is taking a drink?" She just sat there staring at me blankly. "No? I didn't think so"

I stood up and headed towards the door.

"Michael do you want help? Do you want to be a good dad?"

I stopped and turned to her nodding.

"Well then sit back down and let's get through this session. You can be as angry as you want with me, let all your anger out that's what I'm here for I'm here to help you get better and holding onto your anger is not going to help you in the slightest."

I stared at her blankly hoping that she would say the session was over soon.

"I'm tired of not being capable of coping with pain, I see Katie doing all the time. Why is it so hard for me to do?" Every part of my body tenses as I say the last few words.

"Because you've been dependant on alcohol for so long, that's what helps you cope with the pain. No you need to be able to do that sober. We need to make sure that you can talk about how you're feeling to your friends and family because if you keep at the alcohol, I can tell you from experience they won't be with you much longer if you keep living how you're living. You may not even be alive much longer Michael, this is a serious problem that you really need to fix."

She paused for a minute.

"This session is over, I'll see you again next week."