Ribbon In The Wind

Ribbon In The Wind [ 2 ]

Chapter Two:

The alarm clock is beeping at me forcing me to wake from my slumber but this is one of those mornings that numbness has taken over I just cant bring myself to get up and go to school. I roll out of bed and walk the quick walk to my desk, I then braid my hair and tie the red ribbon one of the last things Luke gave me on the end in a bow. I wear this ribbon in my hair everyday.  I then pull my diary out from the draw I keep it in.

Dear Diary,

I the dream again last night, it plays over and over and I just get it to stop.

Why couldn't I save him? Why didn't I make them stop?

I saw him lying there covered in blood as I held him, as he took his last breath and all I could do was hold him because I couldn't call for help because neither of us thought to bring our phones.

WHY WERE WE SO STUPID!!!

Today is going to be a day of numbness I know it, a day where I just cry and think of him.

I loved him I really did.

From Grace

*                                              *                                  *

 I walk to my bookshelf full of books I have read some I loved others were simply just ok. I search and then I find it the photo album Luke got me one year for my birthday, it’s full of pictures of him and me.

I don't know why I’m looking at these it always hurts too much but it's a way of showing me that this is real and its all my fault, it will always be my fault.

After a few hours of just staring at pictures I turn on my laptop and decide to go on Facebook, I notice I have a friend request and guess who it is, yeah it’s Jason and his last name is Taylor. I accept the request because he was so nice to me the day we met and I guess I owe that too him, although I cant really get close to him I’ll never get close to anyone again in fear the same thing will happen to them like what happen to Luke. Yeah my life is ruined.

A few minuets later I get an inbox, which is strange because no one has spoken to me in a while considering I sort of pushed them all away. I open it up and its Jason.

‘Hey Grace, are you ok? Where are you today? I looked for you this morning but I never saw you so I figured you were at home well I hope you are. Otherwise I’m sending out a search party so if you don't reply in the next 10 minuets the cops are going to get a call.’

I smile as I read this, for him to actually want to send out a search party if I didnt reply in 10 minuets is hilarious.

‘Hey Jason, yes I am fine I guess. I am at home I had a bad dream last night and just couldn’t bring myself to actually come to school.’

 .   .   .

‘Oh well I hope everything get better and your at school tomorrow. What was the dream about?’

 .   .   .

‘Oh ummm, it was just a dream well memory of the night Luke died I have them every now and then’

 .  .   .

‘That's not good, did you want me to come over and give you another hug?’

 .   .   .

Why is he being so nice? This is making everything so much harder for me. Like seriously what do I say to that I don't want to be mean and say no but I don't want to lead him on by saying yes aghrrr.

‘hahahah I’ll survive the rest of the day, next time I see you I’ll have the hug. Well I’m going to go now talk to you later.’

.     .   . 

‘Oh ok, bye talk to you later’

                                           *                                  *                                  *

Its 2:30 on a Wednesday I’m not doing anything so I decide to go visit Luke. I grab my coat of the hanger and walk to my car, Luke and I always had this great plan that when we got our P’s we would drive everywhere with the music blaring. I got my P’s 3 days after Luke left me.

It takes 20 minuets to get to the cemetery, as I walk along the paths I look at the graves around me, these people are all old they had lived there life and when I get to Luke’s he lived for 17 years he was so young he hadn’t even began his life before it was taken away.

I sit down in front of his grave and I read to myself the words on his plaque.

     In Loving Memory

                Of

     Luke Jonah Matthews

           21. 2. 1995

           23. 3. 2013

A beautiful angel may now rest

in peace forever in God’s arms.

I place down my bunch of flowers.

‘Hey Luke, I miss you more than anything in the world and I know you properly know that already because you must be watching down on me.’

Tears begin to stream down my face but I continue to talk about all the things he had missed during the last time I visited him here.

‘So umm, there’s a new guy at our school he’s really nice and he actually listened to everything I said when I was telling him about the night before my birthday. He gave me a hug like he knew what it felt like to lose someone he loves but I’m not sure who that is, i didn't dare ask because it would be rude right? I wish you were here with me still, we could drive around with the music blaring and feel like we're infinite just like we always planned’.

I began doing a little laugh mixed with crying just picturing what it would be like if that moment had come true. After half an hour of talking to Luke I start to say my goodbyes.

‘Well Luke I have to go now its getting late and I better get home. I miss you and love you more then anything and I promise ill come to see you again soon’

I kissed my fingers and then touched his stone and turned and walked away, this was always the worst part I always try to fight the tears that try to escape my eyes but I never succeed they rush from my eyes and I quickly wipe them away before I get to my car so I can drive home and not be blinded.

On the way home I decide that if Luke was still here my music would be blaring so I turn it up and listen to it that loud all the way home as the radio plays like 20 songs and the annoying part is they never mentioned any of the names of the songs which drives me crazy, like seriously is it so hard to be like oh by the way you listening to this.

When I arrive home after the 20 minuet drive I go straight up to my room and collapse on my bed, I hug the teddy bear Luke got me close like it's the only thing left of him that I have and in some ways it is. I stare at a picture of him and I that sits on my bedside table, we are laughing at something I don't remember, but we look so happy like everything in the world was perfect.

My hair is tied up in a side braid still the same from how i did it this morning, I bring the end of the braid around my neck and look at the red ribbon that is tied to the end, the ribbon ill always wear. I begin to cry and about an hour later and with no tears left I drift to sleep and I dream of a time when Luke and i were our happiest, when everything was perfect.

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Hey everyone i know this chapter is kind of short, but i hope you like it. Things aren't very interesting at the moment but i promise they get better i just have to build up to it.

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