Till No More

Tannia Gonzales, the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. She was like a ray of joy and sunshine. It was always fun to be with her. I am always happy when I am with her. But, I didn't think I was in love with her. How can I? We were only ten years old back then.
Years past and we became closer to each other. We were best of friends and no one has gotten in between us. We fight sometimes but we always reconcile before it gets way out of hand. I remember back when we were in high school. I wasn't able to ask her to be my date because my Mom's friend's daughter didn't have someone to go with. Mom asked me to go with her since she's pretty much of a loner. Anyway, bottom line is, I end up taking her to the dance instead of Tannia. I thought it was fine with her since she's also with someone that time. Although she acted kind of weird. She didn't talk to me the entire time. Weeks after prom night and she still didn't talk to me. Oh God, I missed her so much. It was only during our graduation day that we finally made up and became friends again. I was so happy. I finally got my Tannia back.
We went to the same university in Manila. I took up BS accountancy and she pursued her dreams in becoming a teacher. We weren't able to spend as much time as we used to since we were both busy with school. However, we do eat lunch and dinner from time to time. She still have that child-like laugh. She still have that cheerful personality and that various expressions of her. My heart is racing. My mind is fixed on her alone. I feel all these feelings when I'm with her. I know. I'm not stupid. I fell in love with Tannia Gonzales.
After I realized that I am in love with her, I didn't told her right away. Well actually, I was thinking that maybe she already knows. I mean, it was obvious on how I show my affection for her. If I was her, I'd know. Nevertheless, I have to do what is expected of me as a man. I planned on confessing my feelings for her tonight. I mustered all the confidence. I need to say three magical words that will change my life forever. I am actually quite positive about how things will turn out. However, of course it is natural for me to feel nervous as it is my first time.
Everything was ready. I'm wearing a white buttoned polo with flowers in my hand. At this moment, my heart is ready. I am ready.
And there she is.
Tannia Gonzales, the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on.
She looked at me quite surprised.
"Ahm, Nate? What's going on? Why'd you asked me to come here?"
"T-tannie. I know, w-what t-this may l-look like to... to... y-you. And it is. I mean... I ... I... I... ah ... Y-you a-and I have always. I... I mean... I-I have always l-like..." argh! I can't talk properly. I don't even know the right words to say.
"Wait. Wait. Stop!" she made me stop. She knows I'm nervous.
"Just calm down and I'll listen to what you have to say", I felt energized.
It was as if she was encouraging me to go on with my confession.
And I decided not to ruin the moment with my stammering speech and so I just said the most important thing I needed to say.
"I-I love you"
I breathed. Ho! That was finally off my chest. I can breathe.
"Nate..." okay, the sound of her voice scared me.
"Why did you only say it now?" she continued.
"Because, I-I thought that you already knew. And I-I wasn't sure of what I was feeling up until this moment", my explanation might be stupid but it is the truth.
"Nate, remember when we were in high school. I told you that, if I'd ever have a boyfriend, I will never be disloyal to him. I promise to love him and he will trust me in everything I do."
"And? Does that mean you're willing to be my girlfriend?" I feel happy. Just say yes and I will forever be happy.

"No Nate", she sounds like she was about to cry.
And I think something in me just shattered.
"I... I agreed on being Luke's girlfriend this morning. Nate, I loved you. I swear to God I did. But I thought you just saw me as your best friend. I'm sorry if I gave up on the thought of us being together. But Nate..." she was already crying.
"I thought that if you do love me, then you would have said so, long before now. I was hurt when you went with someone else in our high school prom"
"But I explained that", I tried to argue.
"Yes. Yes. Yes you did. But Nate, I felt like I was waiting for nothing. You know how long I waited for you to say something. And you know what? Maybe I... I did know that you were scared to say anything. But Nate if you really love me, then you would have set aside the fear and just told me. And maybe I didn't say that I love you because... because I... fell out of love already. I will love you forever Nate. But that's because you're my best friend. I'm sorry if it has come to this. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sor-"

"Stop", that was the only thing I said to her and I went out of the room.

It hurts. I can't even describe it. I was crying as I walk on the street under the starry night. My heart aches. My head hurts.
I pant.
I don't know where my feet will take me.
I just walked and walked. I don't want to stop walking.
It hurts! I feel like my heart is being squished. It hurts a lot!
I love her and it hurts! It hurts!

And in a flashing moment, I felt another kind of pain. A car hit me.
Blood. I see blood. It hurts.
But I know the pain will soon be no more.

The end.