Imagery

Apathy

Authors Note: there is audio you can play with this. The button is at the bottom for some reason. Also these "stories" are mostly sad depressing or negative in general.

I lay here in bed and i can't move. I want to accomplish so much but im just not motivated. I stare off into space not caring but caring a whole lot. I struggle internally. I feel as though I'm trapped in a never ending circle, looping around and around hoping to go in a different direction other than left, but i just cant seem to go right. I'm going insane. I'm repeating the same mistakes and just going through life feeling trapped. It can't be helped because I'm not motivated. But then i have this hope that it will change if i keep going but if i keep going I'll just go around the circle once more and end up here again. And again. And again. Hoping for something new, something different. Can't anyone hear my silent screams as i lay here feeling half dead, existing but I'm not there. Feeling tired yet i cannot sleep. My heart still beats but without purpose. I have dreams and ambitions but they are drowning. Drowning in this sense of helplessness this feeling of ...of what can only be called apathy. I stare at the ceiling thinking but my mind is blank. Im feeling everything but then feeling nothing. This feeling of apathy. Such a weight on my shoulders. It drives me crazy. How do i get rid of it? I feel so amgry and sad on the inside but all that flows out of my mouth is silence. Have i lost control of my body? Time slips on by and everyday becomes a clone of the next. I lay there but i want more. I dont understand myself. I feel caught in a tangle of strings wanting to get out but cant seem to find the motivation to reach for the knife in my pocket and cut myself free. I'm accustomed to my prison of apathy yet i want out so badly. Help me.