Touch: Awakening

Part Ten

Drew hasn't moved. His breathing is normal, thank god. There's a fine sheen of sweat on his skin, fine lines fanning out from his eyes, another one digging in between his brows. I reach over without thinking and trace the line down his nose, dropping off the end. His lips are pliant. The phantom feeling resurfaces as I follow the edge to the corner of his mouth, making my way back to the middle and pressing my thumb into his lower lip. The tip slips inside, and for a brief, brief moment, the heat and the wet glance off my skin, my breath hitching in my lungs as the feeling surges and tries to punch through. I hastily remove my hand and watch his face for changes.

Still nothing. I glance down at our entwined hands and untangle them. He'll want something to wipe away the sweat. Maybe some water. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and hurry to the bathroom.

He blinks awake when I settle beside him, holding a glass of water and a damp cloth. "Wow. That was...harsh."

I hand him the cloth and slide backward, putting more distance between us. "Sorry. If I'd known it would be that bad, I wouldn't have done it. I won't do it again."

The bed wobbles as he struggles into a sitting position, then runs the cloth over his face, passing it over the back of his neck. When I hand him the water, I'm careful not to touch him. He downs the water, a bead of water resting on his lower lip. I stare at it. My thumb was there minutes ago. If it wasn't for the pain, I could have reached out, spread that damp along his skin.

It glistens in the dim light before he licks it up. "I'm not. We should try it again. It might simply be a matter of the human body needing to readapt. If I get used to it, maybe it won't hurt anymore." He sets the glass on the table and slips back down, putting his hands behind his head, a soft groan escaping as he sinks into the pillow. "'Course, we'll have to do it again for you, too."

"Me too?" No way in hell am I going off the regimen. I don't run toward pain, thank you.

He stares at the ceiling for a while, and I start thinking he's forgotten his earlier statement when he speaks. "You'll want to. If you read the information on that datpad, you'll want to. Because you'll be angry. You'll be furious yet another choice was taken from us."

I stretch out next to him and keep my face to the ceiling. "If the regimen is to keep us from going nuts without the comfort of touch, how are you not crazy?"

"I only stopped a month ago. I figured I had a while longer before I started poking people like Parker is." He twists his head to the side, wincing at the movement. "Think about it, Alexis. Think about all the questions and doubts you've had. Those fucking pills will answer some of them, and together, we can dig for the rest."

I roll onto my side, staring down at him. "What good is going to do us? We're not leaving the cells any time soon. We don't even know if there's a way out."

"Has to be. We got in. If the doors are sealed, we'll break them open."

"And then what? Starve to death? Die of dehydration? Wait for someone to come along and butcher us in our sleep? What if we can't leave? What if they stop us?"

He lifts a hand and touches a fingertip to my cheek, grimacing before he pulls it away. "Are you always so stubborn?"

The question startles a laugh from me. "Yeah. It's one of my better qualities." He smiles, and I wish he'd touch me again. But I can't feel it, not the way he can. Not the way Parker insists is possible.

I sit up and pull my knees to my chest. Anxiety flutters its wings, batting at the bones of my ribcage, trying to escape. "I don't know if I can." Too many rules to break, too many teachings to ignore, and Drew's own admission that people used to go insane without touch paints his proposal in thick shades of black. "It doesn't seem...worth it. The risk."