Touch: Awakening

Part Twenty

The datpad falls from my grip as my fingers turn numb. "What is that? Why is my name in there? And our conversations. There are transcripts. Why are there transcripts?" All the air's been sucked from the cell. All of it. My lungs contract, trying to draw some in, and failing.

"Shit." He lunges forward, grabbing me before I can dodge out of the way. I drop onto the couch, gasping, and he rubs slow circles across my back. "Breathe for me. C'mon. In and out."

In and out. In and out. I can do that. I shut my eyes and focus on the simple task, and my lungs reopen after a few tries. "What," I pant, "is that?"

His hand stills. I risk a glance at his face and jerk away at the resignation on it. "The truth. Don't even think of lying to me."

Silence descends like a hammer. Say something. Tell me it'll be okay. Dread coalesces in my stomach, forming a solid ball, growing larger the longer it takes for him to speak. He gets up and paces away, facing the wall. "Drew."

"The Government sent me to spy on you."

I'm hearing things.

"It's part of my job. The Government needed a way to police the Realms, ensure the peace they'd fought so hard for wouldn't fracture under pressure from dissidents. Coders have always pulled double duty. No one knows the ins and outs better than us. I swear, I promise when I started on the tech track, when I applied to the team, I didn't know. I didn't know this was part of the job."

The full weight of his betrayal presses down, growing heavier by the second. He rushes on. "Something you said or did triggered a flag, and they pinged me. Sent a watch notice. I started combing the recordings and couldn't find anything. They weren't satisfied, so they sent me to find you."

He hasn't turned around. His entire body is tense, the sound of his voice muffled by the wall he's speaking into.

"They wanted evidence. Even if I had to trick you into it."

The questions. How he'd randomly shown up in the first place. "The day of the trail run. You were waiting for me."

He nods.

I can't move. I'm chained, rooted, nailed into place by Drew's words. Everything's been a lie. From the moment he showed up in my office and helped me with the spotlights to us, in this cell, trying to locate the empty datpad so he can transfer the information to give to Shannon. "Why? What did they promise you?"

Now he spins around. He strides over and drops to his knees in front of me, his face a picture of pain and desperation. "Nothing. They promised me nothing. It was my job. Just a job."

I scoot toward the other end of the couch. "So I'm a job to you? You going to put in your notes we had sex? I'll be they'll love that." He starts kneewalking toward me, and I scramble off the couch. "Stop. Just stop. How were you going to pull this off? Unless you've been lying about everything, you've broken as many rules or laws or whatever the hell they are as I have. Were you going to throw me to them and hope they'd ignore your transgressions?"

His mouth thins. "I wasn't going to tell them a fucking thing. I've been making shit up for a while now, Lexi." My heart sputters as he gets to his feet, and I trip backward to get away from him. "I couldn't let them do this to you. To anyone. Not anymore." He stretches out a hand for mine, and I bat it aside.

"Don't." There's nothing in my voice. No warmth, no pain, nothing. I'm a void. A canyon, waiting to be filled with all the messy emotions I know are lurking along the edges. "I'd rather go back on the regimen than be touched by you."