Phil's pov
Phil walked down the stairs of the apartment building. It was raining outside. The moment he walked outside it started to rain even harder and after a few minutes the rain was dripping down his face. The cold made him shiver. Next time he should take an umbrella with him he thought by himself as he crossed the street.
His mind started to wander of. He thought about Dan and about last night. How he had rested his head on Dan's chest and listened to the steadiness of his heartbeat. That day had almost wanted to tell him how he felt. But he couldn't. He would be broken if what they had was gone. They were really close friends. But it was obvious that Dan didn't see him as more than that. He just couldn't ruin that by blurting out how he felt.
That would've been selfish. He didn't want to be that kind of guy to mess with other people's feelings.
He thought about how patient Dan had always been.
He never got upset when he was being his clumsy stupid self or when he had those nightmares and he couldn't sleep. He didn't ask him what he dreamed about so Phil never told him that most of them were about losing him. Dan just accepted it and let him most of the time sleep in his room. Dan had always accepted him the way he was. That's maybe why he loved him so much.
He was at the corner of the street and turned to the left.
*****
He thought back about the time that he was being bullied. Some kid at school had started calling him a faggot. He and a few guys had made his life miserable. There wasn't a day that went by that wasn't full of the horror of being smashed into lockers and being beaten up after school. He didn't even remember what the actual reason was. Why they had started calling him a faggot in the first place. When he went to college the bullying had stopped and he had been able to pick up his life. Thanks to most of his friends he was still here today. Especially Dan had made his life a little brighter.
But it had left it's marks. Sometimes he was still afraid to say what he thought. Afraid to tell how he actually felt. Because maybe, if anyone would find out how he really felt they maybe would call him a faggot. And beat him up. And humiliate him in front of everyone he cared about. And there would be no one this time to pick up the pieces.
*****
He walked into the supermarket. There was no one in sight except for the staff.
Apparently they had rearranged the whole place, because he couldn't find anything at all in the first place. He walked through the store searching for cereal. He also could've just asked an employee where he could find it, but he always felt really awkward and uncomfortable when doing that. He was really happy there were no other people than him, because he walked past the same corridor three times in a row. When he finally found all the things he needed he walked over to the cash desk.
First he couldn't find his wallet. It turned out he had put it in the pocket of his hoodie. By the time he had found his wallet he was so nervous that he gave way too little money to the woman behind the desk. Again he was really happy there were no people. He always felt like he had to hurry if there were people standing behind him when he was paying.
He didn't know why. All his life he had been like that and he didn't really care. He had accepted it a long time ago that he was just a little more awkward than the average person.
He gave the rest of the money. And walked out of the store.
He was standing outside. It was really dark and he couldn't see much. It had stopped raining.
He crossed the street.
Suddenly the only thing he saw was two lights. The car came closer and before he could realise what was happening.
Everything went black.
Dan's pov
Phil was really late. He had been away for an hour now. He was probably struggling, trying to find everything.
Dan was about to call him asking where he was, when the phone rang. It was Phil's mom. She was really upset and sobbing loudly. He was trying to understand what she was saying, but he couldn't hear it and nothing made sense.
"Mrs. Lester, please calm down. I don't understand anything of what you said."
Inhale. Exhale.
"It's Phil."
Dan suddenly sat straight up.
"What's wrong with Phil?" He said anxiously.
"H-h-he.. th-here was a c-car
an-nnd." He heard how she tried to calm down.
"Phil had an accident. There was a car. And he dr-rove too fast. A-and...Phil.. h-hhe is in the hospital," she said in a soft voice. Dan could here that she tried really hard not to burst out in tears.
He put the phone away and ran as fast as he could to the door of the apartment.
He was standing on the street, trying to get a taxi. After what seemed way to long a taxi finally stopped and he stepped in.
"To the hospital he said. I'll pay you extra if you drive as fast as you can." When they were almost there his phone rang again. He picked it up.
It was Phil's mom, again.
The taxi stopped and he stepped out.
He was standing in front of the hospital. Phil was there somewhere.
He heard what Mrs Lester said, but he also didn't.
He didn't listen. He didn't want to listen. He wanted to wake up. He must be dresming he thought. It can't be true. It's not.
How could life be so cruel. To take away the only god damn thing in the world that he loved.
He collapsed in front of the building. But the tears didn't come. It was not true he told himself. Over and over again.
He walked inside. Phil's mom was there. She hugged him.
"The doctors are now with him. They tried really hard. But they couldn't save him anymore." She started to cry.
"WELL, THEN THEY SHOULD'VE TRIED HARDER!!" Dan said half screaming, half crying.
Suddenly the walls seemed to come closer. He couldn't breath. He had to get out of here. Away from everything. He ran out of the hospital. He kept running. He didn't know where to go.
He felt like a coward. He should have been there. Beside his bed. With Phil's mom. Not running away like a coward. But he couldn't. He couldn't see him like that. He sat down. His back resting against the wall. His eyes were red from all the tears he had cried. The one and only person he loved was gone and he had never felt so alone.
The part I marked with the warning signs was about Phil talking about the time he was being bullied.
Please tell me how I can improve my writing. Thank you so much if you read my story. I really appreciate that :) I just hope I didn't made you actually cry.
