If only I knew then // phan

Kissing before the kill

Dans POV
I was crushed, broken, but I can't let him just walk away. I fight and fight and fight to get what I want even if it means losing others you love. I started chasing after him, quietly so he didn't hear me behind him. As he walked into his new apartment, that happened to look like a dump, I saw the shape of a gun pressed up against the side of his bag. I started running once he got in the building I ran in and noticed it was an even bigger mess on the inside. I can hear silent sobs from the bathroom, I carefully opened the door and that revealed Phil with the gun in his mouth. He was looking into the mirror crying, he was about to pull the trigger but he heard me.
"What The Fuck do you want?!"
"For you to get that stupid bloody thing out of your mouth." I ran over to him and smacked the gun out of his hand.
"Stop!!"
"Phil, look at me!" He glared his most hateful glare when I did something I probably shouldn't have. I kissed him. Yes, I put my lips against his and kissed him. It felt right so I continued and his lips tasted like candy, they were soft and perfect in every way I could imagine. I swear he kissed back. With my hands around his waist I swear I felt him push onto my lips. (A/N Dan is taller in this story) He pushed me away and screamed,
"GET OUT DAN HOWELL GET OUT!"
"Phil, I made a mistake I'm so sorry. Please Phil." Tears were falling and I was dying when he said,
"Everyone makes mistakes but you are a mistake!" He had never said anything rude. Ever. I continued crying. "Dan I think you need to leave."
"Phil wait, I'm just leaving. I love you with all my heart. If I left you would pull the trigger and I would do the same. I would die for you Ph-" I was interrupted,
"You would die for me?"
"Yes."
"I can't forgive you let alone be with you."
"Phil please."
"Leave."
"Phil."
"Leave!" I had never been so hurt. So I left and I bought vodka, and a lot of beer. I got a hotel room but I wanted to cuddle with Phil. I went into my special place in the forest with my vodka and I drank it straight. 1 gulp. 5 gulps. Then the bottle was empty. I got up and HELL I want to cuddle with Phil so I will! It's only 1:00am he'll be awake. I'm going there and I will see him. It was hard to walk there without falling out the street but I don't care. I walked in his house and called,
"Phillll!"
"Dan?"
"Philly!"
"Dan?"
"PHIL!"
"What do you want?" He was standing in front of me and he was shirtless, his hair was messed up. I drunkly swayed over to him and stuck my tongue down his throat. He pushed me off him and backed away,
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!"
"C'Mere!"
"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!"
"PHIL LISTEN GET INTO OUR BEDROOM AND STAY IN BED!"
"I WILL NEVER TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU!"
"YES YOU WILL!" And I slapped him across the face. He fell to the ground crying. "THINK YOUR STILL TOUGH?!" I got no response I just saw tears. I'm a monster, his dad abused him physically, his mum verbally, myself verbally and physically. I'm a fucking monster. I am a fucking monster.
You know Phil was going to kill himself now you do this you should jump off a bridge!
I'm drunk he knows that!
Jump
No
Pills
No
Cut on the veins
No
Grab the gun and pull the trigger
Phil interrupted,
"Just don't hit me again. Take whatever you want."
"I'm sorry I need-" and I passed out. When I woke up I was in Phil's apartment. He was across the other side of the room like last night. What the hell happened? I shook Phil, he had a weird spasm when he saw me and he backed up and balled his knees to his chest,
"Phil? What happened?"
"You came here drunk as a motherfucker and YOU hit me."
"I'm a monster." I said under my breath. "I - I am so so sorry."
"Whatever just get the fuck out." I did as told this time and I left, before I did I went into his bathroom and grabbed all his sleeping pills, razors, and his guns and knifes. I was leaving when he asked,
"What did you take?"
"Nothing." And I ran out as fast as I could. I wouldn't let him kill himself. Not a chance he's dying anytime soon.

Hey! I have had this prepared since Monday

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