nostalgia (one-shots)

P.S.

Dear Joey,
I have loved you for as long as I can remember. I'd like to say that we had many great times together.
Remember when I was baking that cake for Ms.Pine's cooking class and you threw frosting on my face? We started a full-blown food fight. I loved every second of it- minus the part when we got detention for a week.
Do you remember how we used to hug all the time? I guess it didn't mean anything to you but it meant a lot to me. My heart would always speed up when you looked at me and I swear I almost had a heart attack each time you would grab my hand to make me walk faster. Sometimes, I walked slow on purpose- just so that you would hold my hand. I know I sound ridiculous but I just couldn't control what I felt.
The first time I realized I loved you was when you we camped out in the woods on September 14th, 2013. You were 16 years old and at the time and I had just turned 15. It's crazy how fast time flies by. I've loved you for over 2 years now.
It was so hard to just be your best friend while I wanted more than that. I wanted to be the person you confided in most. I wanted you to want to talk to me 24/7. I wanted you to know that I would be there for you whenever you needed me. It was even harder when you dated someone else..
You started dating Hailey last year. You guys seemed so happy and I got jealous. It hurt so much. I swear that I felt like I was being punched in the stomach a million times.
I couldn't take it anymore. You told me that things were going wrong with Hailey so I did the one thing I never thought I would have the courage to do- I told you how I felt. You were over at my house for my birthday. I asked you if we could talk so we went to my room. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. We sat down and when I looked at you, you seemed a million times more handsome than usual. I tried backing out but you realized what I had to say was important and you told me to continue. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I should have left everything like it was. But I didn't and that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
When I told you everything I felt, you just looked at me with your eyes wide open. I tried apologizing and you shook your head. In that moment, you did something unbelievable. You leaned in to kiss me. I don't know why you did it. Maybe you felt bad for me? Anyways, words can't describe how happy I felt. But, the kiss never happened. Hailey knocked on my door and you jumped far away from me. When she walked in your randomly started a conversation so that she wouldn't think anything was off.
Was that all a joke? Were you trying to mess with me? Did you almost kiss me because you were having problems with Hailey? I'm glad that kiss didn't happen. You didn't deserve it and neither did I. What was I thinking? You were still dating her. And you still are. I hope she can make you happy. I'm working on finding my own happiness. I was so caught up in you that I forgot what was truly important. How I felt. So I'm writing this to you to finally tell you that I'm done with this. I'm not over you. Yet. But I will be. I hope that you have a nice life. This will be the last time that I talk to you. This is the goodbye. This is all too awkward now. Our conversations feel forced. I'm sorry for telling you how I felt but, I couldn't deny myself the feeling of knowing how you'd react. I needed to see you turn me down so that I could finally realize that you and I was only a figment of my imagination. So, thank you. Thank you for being my first love, even if it wasn't reciprocated. Thank you for teaching me that life is all about the struggles and overcoming them. But most of all, thank you for teaching me that we weren't meant to be.
   Written with care, Vanessa