Love in Closed Eyes

1

I stare at the ground of my empty bare, wooden floor. I reach for my glasses and head to the empty kitchen. Dad sits there, pain in his face. He looks at me, gives a small nod, and goes back to reading the newspaper. Today's the day.

I open the door to the car, the empty seat staring at me. "Come on Andy, get in. Face it now, or never." It says to me. I get in. Tears are welling up behind my eyes. I look up and keep them in. Not right now, not ever. We pull up to the hospital. It's not a big hospital, with white brick walls and a bunch of flowers here and there. I get out of the car and walk in.

I remember the first time I walked into this hospital, 9 years ago. Being 6 years old, makes the hospital a whole new world to explore, meet people...but no. I would soon realize, the hospital was not my friend. "Daddy, Daddy! Look at all the people!" I say, and run off to talk to lady at the front. "Hi there! My names Andy. Yes! Andy is a girl name too. I really like it here. It has a lot of cool things to look at." I say. "Hello there! My name is Anna! Who are you here to see?" She says. Her voice was soft. Like a smooth melody. "My mommy! She is here because she needs to feel better. But that's ok. I see her all the time! I wanna go see her can I go see her? Please please please please please ple-" she chuckles. "Of course honey let me check on her." She walks over to my dad, they have an adult conversation, her face turns to a dull grey color. She looks back at me with concern. That was the day, I found out my mom had Alzheimer's.

My mom was at very mild decline then. Which means she wasn't that bad. 9 years later, she's at a very severe level. Which means, she's gonna die.

She doesn't recognize me any more. She doesn't know her own daughter, her own little Andy. She won't respond to her own name. She barely remembers how to talk. It's all so painful, like her life's in reverse. Going back to what she started with, as a child.

I walk into the room. My mom is sweating, looking at what seems like nothing. "Mmgh" she 'says'. "MDDSEF!!!" I hate seeing her like this. Like she wants you to understand, but you look at her with a confused look on your face, and she just stared. "Hi mom. It's Andy. Your daughter, you have birth to me? Listen, I know you can't remember what I just said, but if you remember one thing, please, please, please, remember this. I love you."